The Holloway Clan

Class Picture Rant

2012-02-02T22:01:00.002-05:00

Call me a product of my times, but every year I am confronted by the backwardness of school photos. Can anyone explain to me why, in a world of instantaneous everything, we are asked to select IN ADVANCE which photo package of our child we want based on an image that has not even been taken yet? How easy would it be to take the children's pictures, provide an online link and password and let parents electronically select which photo package they want based on actually seeing something?

Do you buy a car without test driving it? Do you purchase an outfit without trying it on? Why on earth would I pre-order a picture I've never seen and may hate?

If Target and Walmart and Shutterfly and every professional photographer I've ever encountered can provide such simple, free picture viewing services before ordering snapshots, surely the school photographers can do the same.

Rant over. Now for my last question. How much am I scarring my children by refusing to buy canned, ugly school photos?

The Tooth Fairy

2012-02-01T13:42:00.002-05:00

The tooth fairy visited our house last night and left this note. $1 to the first person who can guess who actually wrote it.

The Comparison Game

2012-01-31T12:14:00.001-05:00

In my life, nothing has taught me more about my own failings and shortcomings than parenting. Something about seeing them manifested in the little people under my charge makes them scream out loudly in all their bald-faced, raw ugliness. It provides the objective microscope that I so often lack. Like looking in one of those fun-house mirrors and learning that the reflection is not a distortion but a reality.

Never was this more apparent than the other night while I was helping Addison with his reading. Addison's reading journey has not followed the trajectory I would have ever expected from such a clever and intuitive child. He has wrestled with reading from the very beginning, largely because he struggles with something much more basic, focusing. It's not that he's not capable of reading or putting all the concepts together. There are just much more interesting things to do, conversations to have, daydreams to imagine, and questions to ask. This has really caught me off-guard. My child not get reading straight off? Never! I mean...have you met Trey and me? We're nothing if not readers, and we have always read prolifically to our children. But as with so many other things on this long, parenting road, I am learning that doing all the right things doesn't mean you get the expected or desired outcome.

There is no formula. We are individuals full of complexity and nuance, shaped by our environment and our personality. Addison's mind works a mile a minute and it's a real challenge for him to sit still and put together all the pieces that are required to read. Eyes moving from left to right. Typical phonetic sounds, word chunks, rule breakers. Breathing and inflection and reading comprehension. These are things that all proficient readers take for granted, and I surely did until my son was back at the beginning and just not getting it.

He's actually doing much better now. After initially being tested at a Level 0 at the start of the first grade school year and working one-on-one with a reading specialist in his school, he has just reached Level 14. Which brings me to my story.

Another little girl in his class is also in the same reading program he is in, but she is at Level 15, and as we were working on his reading the other night, Addison looked up at me with his irresistibly blue eyes, chin beginning to quiver and said, "B is on Level 15 and I'm only on Level 13."

Wow. So this is one of those hard parenting moments. Boy, did I feel a knife to the heart for several reasons. First, because his sweet, little heart was in pain and what mother can stand to see that? And how do you take it away? But second because I do the same thing. All the time. Compare, especially when it comes to my children. I want to be best, the winner, the top dog. It's the occupational hazard of being eldest born, and although I'm fully aware of it and can readily identify it, I so often feel powerless to slay it.

And here I sat with my firstborn, hearing myself preach a lesson that I needed to live myself. That life is not a competition. That he has worked tremendously hard and achieved so much in improving his reading. That effort sometimes is worth more than results. That we need to celebrates others' successes irrespective of our own performance. Wow, did I feel like a hypocrite. Because if I'm honest, I've played the comparison game in my head about his reading too. He just doesn't know it.

Mother/Daughter

2012-01-29T15:29:00.000-05:00

When you get pregnant with your third and have two boys already and then people ask if you want a girl, the polite and usual response is, "No, I just want the baby to be healthy." Of course I wanted the baby to be healthy, but the reality was I also wanted it to be a her. When I was pregnant with Genevie, before I knew she was going to be a Genevie, I wanted a girl. Not a little bit. Not a lot. But deep down into my bones I wanted a girl. I dreamed of doing all those mother/daughter things that mothers and daughters do, like going shopping and getting pedicures and talking for hours on the phone. I wanted to share clothes and shoes and fix her hair in adorable coifs. I wanted to teach her how to be strong and successful in a man's world without losing the femininity and intuitiveness that set us apart.

Well, you know how the story goes. God gave me Genevie. She is an amazing little girl. She is both feisty and sweet, tough and tender. She hangs with her brothers playing with cars and Star Wars figures, but loves purple and pink and earrings. In fact, these days she won't stop asking to get her ears pierced. I told her to talk to Daddy.

A few nights ago, I experienced one of those long anticipated moments that had made me desire a daughter so much. I came into her room to say goodnight. My hair was wet from just getting out of the shower. She doesn't usually see me with wet hair because I usually shower at night after she's asleep, and it completely fascinated her. She kept reaching up and stroking it and telling me how much she loved my hair. Then she blew me away with this one: "Mommy, can I brush your hair?" Um, yes! I went and got a brush from the bathroom and for five minutes we just sat there chatting away with her gently brushing my wet hair. It was such an intimate moment, the kind I had dreamed of and gave me a glimpse of the many more to come.

Tree Rats

2012-01-08T17:31:00.000-05:00

This is not my picture. Man, I wish it were. What an awesome shot. But you get the idea because this is essentially what our squirrels were doing to my brand new bird feeder that the boys got me for Christmas.

They gave me this lovely cedar chalet bird feeder with side cages for suet cakes. We haven't fed the birds since Aberdeen. Remember this post? Back then we didn't have to contend with squirrels. Aberdeen just didn't have them. No, our biggest predator problem were the fat pigeons who would try to steal the seed by roosting on our window ledge. We eventually solved that problem.

No sooner did I hang the bird feeder on our unused clothes line pole, then massive gray squirrels, or tree rats as I refer to them, began scaling the pole and performing the exact same acrobatics pictured above. I was incensed and determined to find a solution. A squirrel baffle seemed logical. If you're unfamiliar with the concept, it is essentially an inverted funnel fitted around the pole which prevents tree rodents from reaching high enough to get to the bird feeder like so:

Alas, our local wild bird seed store didn't have baffles with large enough fittings for the circumference of our pole, but all was not lost. The clerk informed me that squirrels, and blackbirds, starlings, and crows for that matter, do not like safflower seeds and will generally leave feeders with them alone. So I decided to invest in a 10 lb. bag of safflower seeds. I also bought a window feeder because I missed the one we had in Aberdeen. It was such an up-close-and-personal view of the birds once they got brave enough to enjoy it.

So here it is, ready and waiting.

You can be sure once we actually have some little feathered visitors I'll be sharing them with you.

In the meantime, I also got a third bird feeder for Christmas, and the deck mount for it arrived today. This feeder is squirrel proof already with a cage around it to prevent the tree rats from stealing seed. Needless to say, our backyard is becoming a veritable food court for our birds. Stay tuned.

Snow at Last

2012-01-07T11:54:00.003-05:00

Wednesday night we got our first snow this winter. I snagged this picture which someone had posted on Facebook of the swirling whiteness in front of my old building at Centre Square. It wasn't enough to delay school or merit a snow day the following morning, however. Just enough to make everything look pretty and to cause one little boy to redouble his prayers for snow this winter.

My New Year's Resolution

2012-01-06T10:15:00.000-05:00

My New Year's resolution began after the new year, but I think that's OK because it's a good one. In 2012 I resolve to take better care of my teeth. This Monday I had a long overdue dental appointment. Since I left my job at Westinghouse Lighting to go to Aberdeen circa 2006, we have been without dental insurance. You can draw down the necessary conclusions. I know. It's completely embarrassing. But I, like many, have a pathological dislike of the dentist. I always feel judged and manhandled, and really I know this is my own fault. I am a terrible non-flosser, and although I brush religiously the combination of non-flossing and infrequent dental visits make my cleanings a nightmare.

Now with my new job, we all have dental insurance again, and so imagine my surprise on Monday when I called to schedule an appointment and they informed me they had a cancellation for that very evening. Seize the day, right? When I left the dentist office Monday night my gums were puffy and sore and screaming at me, but I loved the hygienist. She was so wonderful and not a bit judgemental. In fact, if anything, she was self-deprecating, telling me that she is totally OCD and exorcises it on people's teeth to keep herself sane. I left her office feeling empowered with a new technique for brushing (angle, vibrate, gently sweep up...never scrub!) to help avoid gum recession and a renewed resolve to floss every day. Three days have passed and check, check, check, I've flossed every one of them. Amazingly, as she predicted, my gums are healing and no longer protest when I floss. They used to be sensitive and inflamed from the plaque and tartar build up and consequently bled a lot when I would occasionally floss. Now I can see they are a healthy, beautiful pink and almost no discomfort or bleeding from the flossing. I know it will only continue to get better.

Did you know that plaque, the sticky, bacteria-laden deposits from food that settle on your teeth after eating, takes 12 hours to form, which is the reason that dentists recommend brushing 2 times a day? Did you also know that plaque takes an additional 72 hours to calcify into tartar, the lovely junk the dentist scrapes off your teeth in a cleaning? This is why they recommend flossing every day, but at a minimum, every other day.

Sadly, I did have one small cavity due to the funny shape of my jaw on one side and the difficulty of reaching the very back tooth when I brush. So I have to go back in a few weeks to have it filled. I am almost giddy with excitement to show my dentist what a good job I've been doing flossing every day and brushing in the new way. To top it all off, I already scheduled my 6 month appointment in July.

A Book Year in Review

2012-01-03T13:24:00.000-05:00

2011 was the year I rediscovered how to read again. I know that sounds funny coming from someone who majored in English in college, but I have often felt that doing so killed my love of reading for nearly a decade. I had forgotten how to read something not for the purpose of analysis but for the sheer emotional joy of it. Of course, I can't deny who I am. My literary heart is always looking for themes, character arcs, and motifs, and so over the course of this past year I slowly re-engaged literature in the way that I was first introduced to it, by being read to, and then from there I have been able to delve deeper in a way that keeps my heart as well as my head happy.

My earliest and fondest memories of books are those cuddled on the couch with one of my parents, my sister on the other side, listening to The Chronicles of Narnia or the Little House on the Prairie books. This year, I read three chapter books to Addison and Davis and got far into a fourth. The act of listening to a book being read is a unique way to engage literature and one we typically equate with youth. However, this year as I have listened to 10 books on audio, I have become convinced that being read to allows you to notice things that you miss when you read with your eyes and not your ears.

Goodreads has made it possible to catalog my reading this year and discover other books of similar interest, and the book club I joined in February has kept my reading list ever fresh and interesting. Below are the 19 books I completed this year ranked from 5 stars down to 2 with links to reviews I've already done and brief comments on those I have not mentioned before.

As a side note, let me add that 2011 was a banner year for finding outstanding new favorites. I read two of the best books I've ever read, one of which is now in my top 3 of all time, Cutting for Stone. It is a book that now, many months after finishing it, still lives with me, and I'm sure I will re-read in the near future. I also find it interesting as I look back on the books I read this year that several recurring threads wove their way through many of them, most notably racial tension. Several focused on the Holocaust, one on illegal immigration, two on Jim Crow. Race was examined from an American, European, Asian, and African perspective, mediated through a medical mindset, retrospected through history's lens and laid bare in its most grotesque form in war as genocide.

5 stars

My review of The Help

My review of Cutting for Stone

4 stars

This is the 6th of the 7 books in the Gabaldon Outlander series, all of which are at least 1,000 pages. I started the series in April 2010 and will probably finish the 7th book this January. I have come to the conclusion that while Gabaldon is a very gifted writer, she struggles with brevity, which ultimately detracts from her books. You may laugh at such a patently obvious observation given her books' lengths. However, at first, I was willing to concede that in order to effect the epic journey of time's passage (the books cover several decades and centuries), it was necessary for her to write such long books. Now, however, I am unconvinced. Quantity does not equal quality. All this being said, A Breath of Snow in Ashes was a very good book with inventive twists and, in my opinion, would have been better to conclude the series. Right now I am in the throes of book 7, which has been a terrible snoozer, feeling too invested to walk away but slightly dreading the fact that book 8 is still being written and may or may not be the finale.

This beloved childhood tale never gets old. I cannot tell you how many times I have read it or had it read to me, and I still get chills at all the right parts. A must read for every parent and child.

The Borrowers is a wonderful, fanciful story, which delights young imaginations and will make you wonder what does happen to all the AA batteries you keep buying and can't find when you need.

I hopped on The Hunger Games bandwagon this summer and was quickly sucked into its addictive vortex. This was a book club pick and by the time of our meeting I had completed the trilogy. THG is fast-paced in a disarming way, blending the brutality of ancient Greece and Rome with the voyeuristic narcissism of modern-day reality television and the terror-inspiring dystopia of futuristic technology, strange bedfellows that somehow work together in a cacophonous symmetry. The relationships in the book are admittedly adolescent, which I think is part of its charm. The writing style taps into the emotional intensity of now thankfully long-gone teenage years and ramps up the volume in a way that is completely engrossing. It is a book that is probably a lot deeper than most people realize, and I walked away feeling like it was an incredible indictment of our modern, entertainment-crazed culture. Somehow that has been lost with all the current movie-hype for its March release. Ah, the irony.

My review of The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks

3 stars

Unfortunately, not nearly as interesting as the first book.

Two narratives from different times collide in this French-based book about a journalist investigating the infamous Vel' d'Hiv Roundup during World War II when more than 7,000 French Jews were held by the French police in a velodrome with no food, water, or sanitation for 5 days before being shipped to Auschwitz. I consider myself fairly knowledgeable about World War II, but this was an event I had never heard of, not surprising considering the French efforts to ignore their own responsibility in the Holocaust. A very sobering tale but, unfortunately, not all that well written.

Little Bee probably deserves 3.5 or 4 stars, but it was a very hard book for me to read given its heavy content. You may find it otherwise, and I would recommend it to anyone who loves soulful stories. Though I really failed to connect with one of the main characters in the book, by contrast the title character, Little Bee, was so beautifully written, so penetrating in her insights, someone who had lived too much life for her young years, it is worth reading just to get to know her as a character.

Book 2 in TGH trilogy (see comments above).

This is the 2nd book of 2011 that was also made into a movie this year (The Help was the other one). If you enjoy mystery and intrigue, you will love this book. Very engaging characters and a creative story with a bizarre twist at the end. A note of warning, it is very violent and not for the faint of heart.

A good, not a great, book. An odd example of an excellent writing style out-performing the plot.

I had just high hopes for the conclusion of THG trilogy, but if I'm honest the series started like a lion and ended like a lamb (see comments above).

I picked up Room while on vacation and had a bit of a love/hate relationship with it. It is written from the perspective of a young boy who has lived his entire life in captivity in a single room with his mother. Of course, he doesn't know he's a captive, and so the book embodies irony in its classic sense, the reader knowing what the narrator does not that he is the victim of a heinous crime. The narrative style takes a while to get used to given the limited vocabulary and life experience of the story teller. This is another book not for the faint of heart but a story of human triumph and endurance in the face of insurmountable obstacles.

2 stars

Book club pick. Pure fluff.

Needed some serious editing. Way too long and not that interesting. Of course, I also have the third book in the series on audio book so I may give it a try in 2012 just because.

A fascinating true story of incredible survival, but another heavy one.

Left me with a big SO WHAT at the end. A book in which I struggled to find even one character I really liked. Sadly, this was my book club pick.

Please share your favorites from this year. I am always looking to add to my "to read" list.

Winter's Arrival

2012-01-02T13:23:00.001-05:00

After an incredibly mild fall, it has finally started feeling wintry. On this, my last day of vacation for the holidays, Trey and I took the kids to the park for what turned out to be a quick visit.

The winds were biting leaving cheeks rosy and noses runny. I'm sure we would have stayed longer but this parent seems to have lower cold tolerance than the little ones.

One day of cold temperatures and I'm already planning our summer vacation.

The Twelfth

2012-01-01T17:42:00.002-05:00

One of my New Year's resolutions is to blog more frequently. I was horrified to discover that in 2011 I only blogged 106 times, the lowest ever including the year I started in 2006 in August when I still managed to blog 110 times. There is so much that happens in a day, and I want to capture some of its beauty and mystery even if it is mundane.

So today, January 1, I start with something far from mundane, our 12th wedding anniversary, which Trey and I celebrated this past Friday, December 30th. I look at the young girl in the photo and I smile because little does she know what lies ahead. It's amazing how much life we've lived in that time...many homes, degrees, jobs, children, and unforgettable adventures. I had lunch with a friend today and she reminded me of a wonderful quote I've heard before: "All those who wander are not lost." That's us. Though our path has been circuitous at times, we've always been right where we were supposed to be.

We celebrated a little early by going up to NYC for a quick overnight stay. The children stayed with one of our wonderful babysitters and we hopped the train to Penn Station, arriving in one of those torrential downpours that renders umbrellas useless against the winds which whip down the city's streets. After finding ourselves 125th in the cab line at Penn Station, we reminded ourselves from whence we came and braved the monsoon the 8 blocks to our hotel. You can't live in Scotland for 2 years and not be willing to get a little wet. We arrived thoroughly drenched and happy as clams. After all, this was the view from our room.

We had dinner at a fabulous Mexican (what else?) restaurant next to the Gershwin Theater where Wicked plays called Toloache. Strong margaritas, delicious guacamole, and inventive dishes, all at fairly reasonable prices for Manhattan. By the time we finished dinner, the rain had stopped and we enjoyed a lovely late evening stroll through Times Square back to our hotel.

The next day we decided to explore Central Park, something we had never done in all our many trips to the Big Apple. On the way we picked up a light breakfast at Pret a Manger, a favorite from our UK days.

Along the 20 blocks we passed Rockefeller Plaza and some really cool Christmas decorations. Do you spy the oversized lights in the previous photo?

In Central Park we passed the Central Park Zoo and enjoyed the antics of the seals who loved showing off and barking for the crowd.

Proof Trey was there. We never managed a picture together. Story of our life.

City skyline from within the park.

And proof that I was there too.

The Littlest Shepherd

2011-12-29T17:33:00.000-05:00

The Monday before Christmas, Davis's preschool held their annual pageant. This year Davis graduated from a donkey up to a shepherd, and a darn cute one if I may say so.

Our littlest shepherd.

Christmas Letter 2011

2011-12-24T08:00:00.000-05:00

Christmas 2011

Dear Friends and Family,

2011 has been a very happy and full year for our family. Marked by the fulfillment of a lifetime dream for Trey and a job change for me, it has been a paradoxical blend of significant change and real settling down into our home. We traveled to DC for our annual Memorial Day trip and discovered it may be time to temporarily pause that tradition until certain little ones’ legs and stamina grow, now that the strollers have been long retired. We also flew the whole crew down to Atlanta to visit Trey’s family for 4th of July. What a pleasure to see all 9 cousins together, running around thick as thieves. Around the house, we continued to make steady improvements, repainting the entire upstairs and replanting the grass on the tree belt in front of our house.

Genevie started preschool this autumn at the church school behind our house. She goes along with Davis three mornings a week and has become a fast favorite for her irresistible “yoo-hoo’s” called down the hallway as she approaches her classroom each morning and her compassionate heart for fellow playmates who shed separation anxiety tears. While 2 has been a challenging year behaviorally (isn’t it always?), it seems that she’s rounded the worst corner and daylight is ahead. Genevie is a complex blend of girly attitude and tough no-nonsense. She loves her baby doll Meh-meh right alongside dinosaurs and airplanes. Her morning greetings are full of sunshine and her love of music has only been amplified by a recent parent-child music class we are taking together.

Davis, 4 years old, attends Pre-K three mornings a week and has grown academically beyond what I ever anticipated at such a young age. His aptitude and interest in reading means that he’s already starting to recognize small words and knows the sounds for most letters. His memory is also remarkable, and he can quote lengthy dialogs from favorite films without skipping a beat. His personality is enigmatic. He is both independent and reserved, which often manifests itself as shyness in public. He feels things very deeply but sometimes struggles to express them in words. I suspect he has a very poetic soul and is maybe an artist at heart. He loves to draw or construct things, and I can see his right-sided brain working in a realm beyond the rest of us. For both his and Addison’s 6-days-apart birthdays in February we took the boys to NYC to see Mary Poppins on Broadway, which they both loved.

Addison has had a wonderful year in first grade so far. After struggling a bit to focus on his reading and “put it all together” early in the school year, he has benefited from a one-on-one reading instructor who is following the Reading Recovery program with him. In just a few short weeks he has made tremendous progress, and we feel very privileged to be in a school district where he can get this kind of focused attention. He has gotten very tall, quickly outgrowing last year’s jeans and sleeves, and at 6 years old is truly a help around the house both with his younger siblings as well as with chores. He’s lost a number of teeth and now sports the hilarious, lop-sided grin of grade school children. This spring he played t-ball for the first time. We all enjoyed cheering him on at his quick, 3-inning games and shared more than a few laughs at the awkward fielding and the massive helmets sported by the little guys on the field. Next year we will have two playing baseball and so the juggling of extra-curriculars begins.

This June Trey’s long-awaited book, Andrew Melville and Humanism in Renaissance Scotland 1545-1622, was published by E.J. Brill, Leiden, one the oldest and most prestigious academic publishers in Europe (established 1683). Needless to say, there was much celebrating in the Holloway house. It was the culmination of many years of painstaking research, writing, and re-writing and it was wonderful to celebrate its completion. Not surprisingly, Trey has already plunged into the next book, as well as doing some original translation of Melville’s writings. He has also been asked to contribute to a collection of essays on Reformed orthodoxy in Scotland to be published in 2013 and has continued to do occasional adjunct teaching at Westminster Theological Seminary. For right now, though, he is able to enjoy the freedom to research and write unencumbered by the demands of an academic calendar. This spring and fall Trey flew down to Atlanta to spend time with his mom and siblings, enjoying a much-deserved respite from the rigors of daily life. Despite a disappointing end to the baseball season for his Braves, Trey quickly shook it off to follow this year’s impressive Clemson football team who won their championship and is now going to the Orange Bowl.

This year Trey and I celebrated my 30th birthday in January with our first night away since having three kids. We went to NYC, saw Wicked on Broadway, enjoyed fabulous dining and great shopping. We plan to repeat the visit the week after Christmas to celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary. The highlight of my year was starting a new position at another tech firm in Center City Philadelphia. I am one of two new Product Marketing Managers at iMANY, a contract and pricing management software company for Fortune 500 enterprises. The decision to leave my last employer was not an easy one but was necessary for my own career advancement. Despite the ailing economy, I sent out an initial batch of resumes to a few positions advertised online and heard back from my new company the very next day. Between the smoothness of the interviewing process and the generosity of the employment offer, God made it evident to us what the right decision was. I am so happy where I am now and am truly grateful for God’s abundant provision beyond what I could have ever dreamed possible. This year I also got to travel to some pretty amazing places for work, including St. Moritz and Zurich (Switzerland), Phoenix, New York, San Francisco, and San Jose. Next up is my very first trip to Las Vegas in January. In my spare time I’ve become an avid gardener, and while I continue knitting, it has taken a bit of a backseat to voracious reading. I’ve devoured more than 8,000 pages this year, joining a monthly reading group this past February that meets in the city.

After I finished writing this letter, my maternal grandfather suddenly fell ill with pneumonia and passed onto glory 2 days later. I came across a photo of him on my phone the other day from his 89th birthday celebration this summer, and I felt a fresh pang of sorrow. So many happy childhood memories center around him and my late grandmother. It’s hard to believe he is gone, but I praise God that he is now whole, with Mom-mom, and basking in the beautiful presence of our Savior.

We pray that 2011 has been full and rich for you too. May you enjoy great happiness this holiday season and throughout the new year.

Much love,
Becky (for all the Holloways)

Bird of Prey

2011-12-18T09:32:00.002-05:00

If you have a weak stomach or the sight of blood makes you queasy, you might want to skip this one. Two Saturdays ago, while I was raking the leaves in the backyard, I spotted an enormous red-tailed hawk that had landed in our next door neighbor's yard with a squirrel he had just caught for his dinner.

While he waited for the squirrel to expire, he spread himself out to this full width, tail fanned, wingspan extended, and talons engaged in a death grip.

The squirrel was surprisingly tenacious and it took several minutes for the furry tail to stop twitching.

I called everybody out to watch, knowing that Addison in particular would be rivted. Trey even took some video. It was fascinating and disturbing at the same time. In our sanitized world, we don't like to think about how predators obtain their nourishment each day.

Rarely do you get to observe it at such close proximity, sounds and all.

He was a majestic bird with gorgeous banding along his back and powerful, downy legs.

When I downloaded these pictures and came to this one I was astonished at the detail Trey was able to capture. Definitely a wild, untouched moment.

And despite the gore, I am grateful that we have hawks who keep our squirrel population at bay.

A Grateful Nation

2011-12-03T20:26:00.001-05:00

This has been a very hard week for my family. A week ago today my grandfather, Harold Davis, went into the hospital suffering from pneumonia. Forty-eight hours later, he was gone. I visited him Sunday night and could tell from his short breath and overwhelming fatigue that the outlook was grim. It seemed as though his will to live had gone. Monday night my mother called me to let me know that he was in the ICU and being removed from life support. I immediately went to the hospital to be with her and arrived just moments after he died. With the curtain respectfully drawn in his room for privacy for our family as we grieved, I was so immediately confronted with the ugliness of death. It is not the way things were meant to be. Everything in me cries out against the curse we live under, that every moment leads us inexorably closer to our last. It is unnatural, undignified, and harsh. As we all cried and held one another, I saw a message written by the ICU nurse on the room's white board: "Those who walk with Jesus are never alone." What comfort for us to know that the anxiety and physical decline that had defined my grandfather's later years were past him, and that now he was with his Savior in glory, body whole, spirit free.

This photo was originally posted by me on January 15, 2009 in a blog about my late grandmother, entitled Alma Newton Davis. My grandfather's name and birth date were already etched on the headstone at that time.

My grandfather was born in 1922. He died at the happy age of 89 leaving behind 3 children, 7 grandchildren, and 5 great grandchildren. He was an amazing man, never afraid to learn new things, one of the most computer literate people I have ever met, interested in history and politics, art and nature. One of the things I am most proud of him for is the time he spent in the Army during World War II. He was a medic and was part of the US military presence that liberated the concentration camp at Dachau. I visited Dachau in 1999 and the devastation and ghastliness of the place is something I will carry with me forever. I can only imagine what he saw and felt in those dark days.

We were able to locate his military discharge papers and arrange an honor guard at his graveside for the burial. It was an incredibly moving experience. Three members of the Army met us at the cemetery, saluting my grandfather's flag-draped coffin as it was carried from the hearse to the grave site. One of them stood a few yards off and played the mournful strains of taps. The two remaining officers then removed the flag from the coffin, folded it, saluted it, and presented it to my mother saying these words: "This flag is presented on behalf of a grateful nation and the United States Army as a token of appreciation for your loved one's honorable and faithful service."

A grateful nation. I could scarcely draw breath at those beautiful words. I was and am so proud.

The Desert

2011-11-20T17:16:00.001-05:00

This is obviously a long overdue post, but the pictures are worth the wait. I was in Phoenix at the end of October for a conference and stayed at a resort built into a butte. What's a butte, you ask? It's a rocky formation, like a hill, that juts out of the desert landscape. Very beautiful. This was the view from my room.

I had never set foot in the desert before, and after landing and gaining three hours, I had the rest of the day ahead of me to enjoy some exploring. A friend recommended the Desert Botanical Garden, and so I set out to visit it just before sunset.

This east coast girl couldn't get over the color and variety of the desert. Instead of a deserted (pun intended) and lifeless collection of prickly plants, I encountered a teeming ecosystem full of life, movement, and vibrant hues.

I visited the butterfly exhibit just before it closed at 5pm. Unbelievably it began to sprinkle while I was in there, giving the enclosure an ethereal, other-worldly effect.

The butterfly cage was full of monarchs and as the sun sets, they cling to the screen walls, wings folded, and rest for the evening. Those are hundreds of butterflies hanging down.

As I exited the butterfly exhibit, I got to enjoy this stunning rainbow. The cognitive dissonance of hearing rolling thunder and seeing a brief rain shower with a rainbow in the middle of a desert was certainly not lost on me and served to heighten the experience.

I was amazed at the information about how indigenous peoples learned the plants that could survive with little water and how they thrived as a group by cultivating crops, like gourds. These dried gourds are used variously as rattles with their dried seeds left intact or scooped out as ladles.

My love of the ocean is well-documented, but imagine my surprise when this arid environment evoked the same awe-inspiring peacefulness that I only ever experience from watching and listening to powerful ocean waves crash.

If sunsets over the bay are breathtaking, so too is the setting sun over the desert. The horizon is starkly silhouetted and so foreign to anything I've ever known. It was a spiritual experience.

The Franklin Institute

2011-11-16T14:29:00.001-05:00

You know the old saying: "A prophet has no honor in his own country?" Well, you can apply that to historical landmarks and other important sites in your own city. I didn't visit the Liberty Bell until I was 16, and I hadn't been to the Franklin Institute since I was about 10. I've had some complimentary tickets for quite awhile and thanks to Trey's dogged reminding, we finally scheduled a family outing last Saturday.

For those unfamiliar, the Franklin Institute is a museum devoted to science oriented exploration, and it truly is geared towards kids with many hands-on, interactive features. We enjoyed exhibits on how machines work, aviation, trains, and electricity, which was only a fraction of all that the museum contains.

It was a beautiful, mild autumn day, and we got there early enough to beat any crowds and score really close, free on-street parking.

The Institute's patron saint, Big Ben.

Figuring out which IMAX movie to watch. We ended up going to a 3-D dinosaur movie, which all the kids loved, including Genevie.

The dome in the entrance hall.

Exploring the hands-on power of electricity with batteries.

Our very own "Air and Space".

Flying the plane.

Enjoying the train.

Ol' Ben himself.

This photo just makes me happy. They're all yelling hot dog, which is what I had just gotten them for lunch from a street vendor as Trey snapped the photo.

Slow Cooker Beef Stew

2011-11-08T11:11:00.003-05:00

Although I love complex flavors and daring new dishes, at heart I'm a meat and potatoes girl. I think it's my inescapable Scottish heritage. I recently tried this slow cooker beef stew recipe from Real Simple and it was amazing with plenty of leftovers for hot lunches at work, which I froze in individual containers for single-serving convenience. I did make a few alterations. In order to make it a little more healthy, I reduced the amount of meat to 2 lbs. It was still plenty meaty, trust me. I also used lean, thin-cut sirloin on sale at Wal-mart because it was close to its expiration date. Affordable and healthy. The meat was so tender and just fell apart in the stew, making it rich and hearty, far better than that awful stew meat you can buy. I also didn't bother browning all the meat. I started to and it was taking forever at which point I said the heck with this and threw the rest of the floured meat into the crock pot. It didn't make a bit of difference. Next time, I will skip that step altogether. The other thing I'll add is that the wine makes all the difference in this dish. Don't skip it. It provides a depth of flavor that takes this from ho-hum to humming. Bon apetit!

Slow Cooker Classic Beef Stew
Serves 8-10| Hands-On Time: 35m | Total Time: 8hr 00m

Ingredients

4 pounds bottom round, well trimmed and cut into 2-inch pieces
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup olive oil (plus more if needed)
2 large onions, diced (2 cups)
1 6-ounce can tomato paste
1 cup dry red wine
1 pound potatoes, cut into 2-inch pieces (about 4 cups)
1/2 pound baby carrots (about 2 cups)
2 cups beef broth
1 tablespoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon dried thyme leaves
1 bay leaf
1 cup frozen peas, thawed

Directions

Coat the beef in the flour. Heat a few tablespoons of the oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Brown the meat, a few pieces at a time, adding more oil as necessary. Transfer to a 4- to 6-quart slow cooker.
Add the onions to the skillet and cook over medium heat until tender, about 10 minutes. Stir in the tomato paste and coat the onions; transfer to the cooker.
Pour the wine into the skillet and scrape up any browned bits; add to the cooker. Stir in the potatoes, carrots, broth, salt, thyme, and bay leaf.
Cover and cook on low heat for 7 1/2 hours, or on high for 4 hours. Add the peas and heat through.

Nutritional Information

Per Serving
Calories 520Calories From Fat 34%

Calcium 54mg
Carbohydrate 31g
Cholesterol 127mg
Fat 20g
Fiber 4g
Iron 6mg
Protein 48mg
Sat Fat 5g
Sodium 1061mg

May the Force Be with You

2011-11-07T21:46:00.001-05:00

Our costume theme this year, as advocated by two very enthusiastic boys, was Star Wars.

Addison was Darth Maul.

Davis was Darth Vader, or Darth Mader as Genevie calls him.

Genevie was, you guessed it, Princess Leia although she was rather insistent for awhile that she wanted to be a storm trooper. The double buns won out in the end.

This was the first year that all three kids really got the trick-or-treating concept. Genevie was particularly enthusiastic, racing from house to house to get more loot.

As the evening wore on, the children shed various accessories, and as is obligatory, I inherited them.

We may or may not have had an upset tummy when one little boy, who rarely eats candy, kept sneaking treats without our knowledge. Apparently even evil overloads have sugar thresholds.

Boo

2011-10-31T08:00:00.000-04:00

Our trio of jack-o-lanterns.

Genevie's goofy grin.

Davis's evil smile.

Addison's Darth Maul.

Boo Bounce

2011-10-30T21:53:00.000-04:00

Last Thursday Trey and I took the kids to a local Bounce U for their "Boo Bounce".

It included pumpkin painting,

massive slides,

lots of jumping,

glow in the dark necklaces,

pink cheeks,

and plenty of smiles.

Atmospheric Irony

2011-10-30T21:29:00.001-04:00

In 24 hours I went from this...

...to this...

Can't wait to show you more from my trip to Phoenix. I think I may be in love with the desert.

Rebuilding the Tree Belt

2011-10-30T21:14:00.004-04:00

One of the pleasures of home ownership for me has been all the gardening and yard work that it entails. It was our unfortunate distinction to inherit a rather lack-luster front and back lawn. Most atrocious was the tree belt -- that strip of grass between the street and sidewalk -- which was, quite frankly, a lush patch of crab grass.

From all the research I've done online, autumn is the most ideal time to plant grass seed. So a couple of weeks ago, Trey and I began the project of ripping up the tree belt and then planting new seed.

This is what it looked like one week ago.

Just dirt.

This is what it looked like 3 days later.

A little green fuzz.

And this is what it looked like this morning, exactly one week after planting.

We're sporting a thin, albeit promising, green carpet.

I did not expect for these blades to support snow for at least another two months.

But you just never know around these parts.

The View from the 37th Floor

2011-10-25T20:00:00.000-04:00

Today was a glorious autumn day in Philly and I had to snag a few photos from my new building to share on here. I wish I had snagged pictures this morning with the mist on the Delaware River and a golden haze over NJ. Another time I promise I will. This is the view looking dead east. The river you see is the Delaware River, the dividing line between NJ and Philadelphia. The blue bridge is the Benjamin Franklin Bridge, which my train goes over every day. The white building to the right of the photo is City Hall, and the statue on the top is none other than our beloved Billy Penn, known to the rest of the nation as William Penn, the founder of Pennsylvania. I've written before about the Philly skyline. You can refresh here.

Here is a zoomed in view of the Benjamin Franklin Bridge.

A closer view of City Hall, which is right across the street from my old building.

This is the view north of my building. I am now right across the street from the Comcast building, which is now the tallest building in Philly. I love how its glass reflects Liberty One and Liberty Two.

This is the view facing north of the ground. The green dome is the peak of the Arch Street Presbyterian Church.

This is the view west of the city. The river you see snaking along is called the Schuylkill River (pronounced SKOO-kuhl). If you look very closely you'll spot the Art Museum, forever immortalized by Sylvester Stallone in Rocky.

Music Class

2011-10-21T10:04:00.003-04:00

A friend of mine from church is in the process of getting her PhD from Rutgers focusing on parent/child musical interaction. As part of her research she has set up an "active group", which participates in a 10-week 40-minute music class. Instead of attending the class, the "passive group" gets weekly newsletter information about ways to engage your children musically.

To qualify the parents had to be non-music majors who had never attended a parent/child music class before with children 4 or under. Before the 10-week program began, each participating parent had to answer survey questions that assessed their feelings and attitudes towards music and their own musical ability. We'll do this again at the conclusion of the program. It was a really fascinating exercise, and thankfully we were selected to be part of the active group.

We're now three weeks in and both Genevie and Davis love it. Davis is definitely more reluctant to participate openly, but I know he's getting a lot out of it by what he retains and brings home. The picture above was taken this past Monday during a time when everyone got to "make music" with different instruments to fit the rhythms of the musical recording that was playing. We explore beats, speeds, highs and lows, classical expression, singing, rhythms, and vocal imitation among other things. You should check out the blog which has a wealth of information about how to engage your child musically and dispels many of the myths around musical ability.

Occupy Philly

2011-10-19T09:00:00.000-04:00

My old office is right across the street from City Hall where Occupy Philly is camped out. My new office is two blocks away and I happened to walk by on Monday and snapped this photo. Click on the picture to enlarge and read the signs.

I'm honestly not sure how I feel about all this. The reporting I have seen and the signs I've read, seem to indicate a panoply of discontent from lack of jobs to corporate greed. Some of these issues I'm very sympathetic with, but I also know that capitalism is neither the devil nor the answer. Capitalism, like everything else, can be very good or very bad. If I know anything about human nature, it's that people are radically selfish, and so when you apply that to large corporations it often means that a handful of people make decisions out of enlightened self-interest, negatively impacting others. Think Enron, think Arthur Anderson, think BP, think Haliburton, think Fannie Mae. But however imperfect, this is the world we live in. Corporations are not going away. Capitalism is not going away. Shouldn't these protesters be pouring their efforts into making sure Washington does its job to protect the little guy from the unbridled greed and corruption of corporations? Or better yet, why not infiltrate? I'm by no means at the top of the food chain in corporate America, but some day maybe I will be. Some day my decisions may directly impact corporate policy. Not to be all Gandhi, but I can be the change I want to see in the world. I guarantee that is more effective than bumming it night after night with signs on a Philly street. Your thoughts?

Jersey Tomatoes

2011-10-18T08:10:00.000-04:00

Exhibit A

See Exhibit A, a completely untouched photograph taken Sunday on my iPhone of a sliced tomato from the "big plant" in my garden just before being added to BLTs. Yes, this slow-to-produce plant has finally started yielding some significant bounty in...get this...October? And I have fallen in love all over again with Jersey tomatoes. Remember how much I missed them in Aberdeen? I bet you dollars to doughnuts that if you do not like tomatoes but then had a bite of a Jersey tomato, you would change your mind. Jersey is to tomatoes what Georgia is to peaches.

They are the reddest, juiciest, most delicious tomatoes in the world. See Exhibit A. I rest my case.

Pre-K

2011-10-17T08:00:00.000-04:00

I had the best intentions to post this last Monday, Columbus Day, but, alas, it didn't happen. As with all transitions, right now with my new job I'm finding that I have to let certain things go until I really get the hang of the new routine. Blogging is one of those expendable items right now.

Davis made this Columbus hat in his Pre-K class the Friday before the holiday. I thought it was very funny.

He also came home this week one day as a knight with a shield that read "For the battle is the Lord's." I'm not a big one for crafts and always get a chuckle out of what he comes home with.

Trey and I have been really pleased with all that he is learning in Pre-K this year and how it seems to have spurred an eagerness to learn to read along with his brother. I also know that it's been really good for him to get out of his comfort zone and away from the protective reach of Addison. Davis's innate shyness sometimes needs a little push, and I believe this is a really important step for him before going to school full-time.

Sleeping Babies

2011-10-15T15:55:00.003-04:00

Recently a friend posed the question on Facebook, "Need to hear some more positive thinking...what makes you happy? Don't say money, sex or kids."

I guess I kind of broke the rules because my answer was watching my children sleep. For me it is one of the simple pleasures of parenting that has only grown sweeter with time, and no matter my mood or the rigors of the day, it always makes me feel content and happy inside. I recently read the book Rules of Civility by Amor Towles, and in it he includes this beautiful reflection on sleep: "It's a purposeful irony of life, I suppose, that we never get to see ourselves in that state. We can only pay witness to our waking reflection, which to one degree or another is always fretting or afraid. Maybe that's why young parents find it so beguiling to spy on their children when they're fast asleep."

There is something so peaceful and innocent in childhood slumber. The rosy cheek, the even breath, the relaxed fingers. In fact, the older they get and the more active and chatty they become, the contrasting repose of deep rest is inspires all the more nostalgia for the infantile memory it whispers. When they sleep, they are like babies again.

Genevie has developed some peculiar sleep habits lately. She has become obsessed with turning the light on and then falling asleep with it on. Most nights when Trey and I turn in, it is on, and she may be fast asleep in her bed or, just as likely, sprawled out on the floor with her pillow and blanket. We invariably rearrange her back in bed, turn off the light, but it is not uncommon to wake up in the morning and for it to be back on with her still fast asleep. She's either getting up and turning it on, or light fairies are playing tricks with us.

All of this, however comical, has caused me to reflect again on how much I love this time of day, not just for the quiet it daily restores to our house, but for the rare glimpse back in time to those lovely early newborn days when their needs were so simple and basic.

Slow Cooker Chipotle Chicken & Black Bean Chili

2011-10-13T10:50:00.000-04:00

I'm in crockpot heaven these days. With the commencement of a new school year and now a new job, I've made some changes to help streamline our morning and evening routines. One simple change has been showering at night. Wow, has that freed up a good bit of time in the morning (translation: I can sleep a little later)! Second change has been eliminating almost all evening cooking. That doesn't mean we're eating out a lot or going with pre-fab meals. No, instead I've been pinning recipes left and right and then making meals on the weekends to freeze and have during the week or doing crock pot meals the night before and having Trey turn them on for me the next day.

I've recently shared a few great recipe discoveries here. The latest one though was a huge hit with Trey, who some of you may know as the King of Chili. I had no idea how he would receive this one. First of all, it's not a beef-based chili. Second, it's not his master recipe. Throwing caution to the wind, however, I made it anyway, and he LOVED it. Full disclosure, this recipe comes from Sweet Treats & More. It is incredibly easy to make and very healthy. Bon apetit!

Slow Cooker Chipotle Chicken & Black Bean Chili

adapted from Taste of Home

serves 8

2-3 whole, boneless skinless chicken breasts (or 4-6 chicken tenders)

2 (15 oz) cans black beans, rinsed and drained

2 (14 1/2 oz) cans diced tomatoes with green chiles, un-drained

1 medium green pepper, chopped

2 chipotle peppers in adobo sauce, chopped

2 tbs of the adobo sauce

2 garlic cloves, minced

1 tbs cumin

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

Optional for garnishing: mozzarella or Monterrey jack cheese, sour cream, cilantro, lime wedges.

Place everything, aside from the chicken in a 4qt slow cooker and stir to combine. Lay chicken over the top and push down a little to cover with sauce. Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours or until chicken is cooked and tender, or cook on high for 3-4 hours.

Movin' on up

2011-10-04T09:10:00.001-04:00

A big change has come to our family and change is always a funny thing. I don't struggle with it or resist it like many do. I love it and embrace it, but it always makes me reflective and introspective.

Friday was my last day with my old company, and as I rode the train home, the dark autumn sky made the Camden streets appear beachcomber white in stark contrast, a rare and strange beauty for that troubled city, which merely served to heighten my inner reflective monologue. As is common in Philadelphia at this time of year, we've had a fairly dramatic shift from summer to fall. It is not just a noticeable drop in temperature or humidity. It's a shift in the quality of light from the cheerful brightness of summer to the more subdued and mellow golden of autumn, creating long, dramatic shadows full of pathos, periodically dappled by warm sunshine. Little wonder then that when I read the words of a friend on Facebook going through a different life transition, they struck a resounding chord.

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

It made me think of Aberdeen and my last glimpse of her at the airport that early morning in late autumn 2009 following Trey's graduation. I remember the hot tears spilling over and running down my cheeks as I stood at the curb with our luggage and Evie, crying because I didn't know when I'd be back again and knowing that even when I did return it would never be the same. It's like that with the end of an era. There are special times in our lives so profound for their shaping influence that its absence makes the ache unbearably acute. Relationships changed. People moved away. New buildings and roads. Newcomers who didn't live any of those memories with you. The intensity of emotion at these critical junctures lessens with time, bearing its own melancholy. The lessening is both relieving and saddening because it marks an increase in temporal proximity to those lovely days. It may surprise you to know that I miss the emotional intensity of our lives in Aberdeen. Heightened senses. Every memory etched so deeply. Returning to normal life isn't like that. I don't notice everything the way I did there. The smell of the cold morning air. The sounds of native chatter. The beautiful light and the lush green. All that I have described is the quintessence of nostalgia, the wistful longing for the happiness of another time and place.

As of tomorrow I am joining a new company in their marketing department as a Product Marketing Manager, just two blocks away from my previous building. The decision to leave my present employer was a hard one. I was the most senior employee in a small but emerging company and played a pivotal role in a number of areas. As each day drew me closer to my last, comments and encouragements increased about me staying, but in the end this has been the right decision on a number of fronts, not the least of which is financial. In an otherwise deplorable economy, this gracious gift has not been lost on me. It will help refocus my career along the path I wish to take and provide some much-needed breathing room in our budget. To say I feel undeserving is a gross understatement, but I am also a little bit giddy about the opportunity. The talent I will be working with is impressive, and the focus of the company is laser sharp. It is another enterprise software company, like the one I left, and I am full of optimism for what the future holds.

Oh, and I'm 11 floors higher up. Nice view from the Mellon building.

A Thespian in the Making

2011-09-24T12:26:00.000-04:00

Davis recites a scene from The Incredibles.

Amazing Broccoli and Cheddar Soup Lightened

2011-09-18T17:45:00.000-04:00

With the discovery of Pinterest, I've devoted some well-spent time to recipe hunting and pinning and seem to have rediscovered my love of cooking new dishes. As a busy, working mom, I am always on the lookout for quick and healthy meals that can either be prepared ahead and reheated, frozen and baked the night of, or slow cooked. I've stumbled upon some real goodies lately and thought I'd share them here.

This recipe for Broccoli and Cheddar Soup came via Mangio Da Sola but I believe it was originally from Sugarcrafter. When you think broccoli and cheddar soup, you probably don't think healthy, but I've lightened it up in two ways, and since making it this afternoon, I've discovered that I could reduce the fat and calories even further but decreasing the amount of cheese without diminishing the flavor.

Broccoli Cheddar Soup Lightened

1/4 c. butter
1/2 chopped onion
1 clove garlic minced
1/4 c. flour
1 c. fat free evaporated milk (subbed for half and half)
1 c. fat free milk
2 c. fat free chicken broth
1/2 lb. broccoli, chopped (don't chop too small - it will disintegrate as it cooks)
1 c. grated cheddar cheese (reduced from a total of 3 cups)
salt and pepper to taste

Saute the onion and garlic in the butter over medium heat until soft. Add the flour, stirring constantly. Add the evaporated milk, milk, and chicken broth. Bring to just below a boil. Add the broccoli and simmer on low heat for about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add the cheese and then season the soup with salt and pepper to taste. By now the soup should be thick and creamy.

Serves 6

One serving contains 228 calories, 14 grams of fat and 6 Weight Watchers Points Plus points.

It was deliciously filling without being too rich. Perfect for this lovely fall weather!

Cutting for Stone

2011-09-16T12:05:00.000-04:00

When I finished Cutting for Stone I knew immediately I had to write about it here on the blog. But I've put it off because, like any amazing piece of literature, my re-digestion of its contents seems inadequate. What really can be said that hasn't been said itself in the book or the sonnet or the play? Any words of mine feel simple and incomplete.

And yet still I feel compelled to spread the word so that maybe one of you will experience the pleasure and the pain that is this quiet tour de force. As one dear friend put it, this books lives with you after you finish it. I could think of no better way to describe it.

Cutting for Stone is epic on a small scale. How's that for a contradiction? This tome, and tome it is at well over 500 pages, spans more than 50 years and 2 generations, crossing continents and borders, breaking language barriers, bridging religious and cultural divides without ever losing its beautiful thread or clear voice.

The book begins in medias res narrated by older twin, Marion Stone. He quickly establishes one of the many conflicts that define this book. Marion's mother was a nun and father was a surgeon at the hospital where she worked. His mother is now dead and his father is gone. He takes the reader on a journey back in time to discover what happened leading up to his unlikely birth, establishing along the way the character of his deeply religious mother and somewhat distant but incredibly driven father. The story of his and his brother Shiva's birth is truly dramatic and kept me riveted for chapter after chapter while every medical detail was described not with the clinical detachment of a medical textbook but the poetic beauty of the literary heart.

After the twins's birth and their biological father's hasty departure, the story arc shifts and redirects focus on the twins and their relationships with one another, their adopted parents, and their childhood friend Genet. From here, the real journey begins and conflicts established -- broken relationships, political upheaval, visceral betrayal, guarded secrets, and serious illness, culminating in the ultimate sacrifice.

Although Cutting for Stone is full of raw emotion and unfathomable choices, it is a book full of hope because it is preeminently a love story. Love in all forms, adoptive, biological, marital, fraternal, collegial, theological and romantic. It is a story about love across the ages, love that endures even when its source has been extinguished, love that is not limited by geography or time or relationship, love that heals and restores that which is divided and broken and lost. At its heart Cutting for Stone is a story of redemptive love.

It reminds me of the end of one of my favorite children's books, which all three of mine love to this day, called No Matter What. The little fox in the story, Small, asks his dad, "'But what about when we're dead and gone, would you love me then, does love go on?' Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night, at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright. 'Small, look at the stars - how they shine and glow, but some of those stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies. Love, like starlight, never dies.'"

Love, like starlight, never dies.

Latest Feathered Friend

2011-09-15T14:22:00.003-04:00

This guy visited us last Friday. Trey spotted him perched on the railing of our back deck while we were eating breakfast at the kitchen table.

He was smaller in both stature and girth than a typical red-tailed hawk, making me think that he was possibly a juvenile. These pictures aren't great since they were taken through a screened window at a distance of our kitchen table. We seem to be a veritable magnet for wildlife.

When Watermelon Is Cucumber

2011-09-14T12:30:00.001-04:00

Those of you who follow this blog regularly know that I've spent a lot of time enjoying my garden. Some of it, like the herbs and the cherry tomatoes, have been a smashing success. Other parts, like the peppers and zucchini have been abysmal failures.

The watermelon went in really late this year and I didn't have high hopes to begin with, and then when it began to grow and grow and grow, they did rise. The watermelon literally took over one major section of my flower bed with its trailing tendrils. When I spotted the first fruit, I was ecstatic.

This little beauty you see before you on my kitchen counter seemed ready to be picked. It hadn't grown any in about a week and although a bit on the small side, I figured it was just a petite variety. I picked the watermelon, chilled it for perfect consumption, and then made that first juicy cut.

Imagine my dismay to discover that what I had cut into more closely resembled a swollen cucumber than a bright, red watermelon. Who knew? Unripe watermelon smells, looks, and tastes like cucumber.

So I did a little digging online and found these tips for determining when your watermelon is truly ripe. Apparently, it's not an exact science and harder than you think. I have one more that's a decent size and I'm bound and determined not to pick it too early. I'll keep you posted.

First Day of School...Sort of

2011-09-13T15:29:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was the first day of preschool for Genevie and Davis. Here they are ready to embark on the one block journey to school.

See how ready Evie is with her little Winnie the Pooh backpack stuffed with one of her favorite books and her latest stuffed doggy obsession? You know, just the school necessities.

The brick building just beyond that cherry tree is the church where the children go to preschool. Sadly, however, it turned out that Genevie's play group doesn't start for a couple of weeks. Thankfully she is young enough that the trek to the school wearing a backpack constituted the fulfillment of her school attending dream and she was perfectly content to return home with Trey none the wiser. Ah, the blissful ignorance of being two.

Davis had a great day!

What I Learned in Kindergarten

2011-09-08T12:43:00.000-04:00

Tuesday was Addison's first day of first grade, and perhaps as a testament to how quickly the summer passed, it's been surprising how easily we have slipped back into the old morning routine. Through our experiences last year, we've learned a few things along the way.What works and what doesn't. Our mornings have become far more streamlined, but they will change again slightly next week when the other two start preschool 3 mornings a week. Davis will be in Pre-K with a more academically focused program. Genevie will attend play group, a much more informal setting.

You may remember last April I did a post entitled Why We Aren't Homeschooling. Since then I've come across a helpful and challenging series of articles entitled The Weaker, The Stronger, The Homeschooler by Tim Challies, a Toronto pastor, as well as a review he did of the book Going Public: Your Child Can Thrive in Public School. These have been encouraging resources for me as sometimes our choice to send Addison to public school has felt, in an ironic twist, like a counter-cultural one in my circle of friends. Quite the reverse from when I was homeschooled.

I thought it would be appropriate as a kick-off to this school year to discuss some of the lessons Trey and I learned from Addison's first year in school.

You must advocate for your child
One of the disadvantages of being involved in an entity which, for all intents and purposes, is actually a fairly meandering bureaucracy is that you are sometimes the only advocate for your child. This means you have to make your voice heard above the din. We were confronted with this reality the very first week of school when there was tremendous confusion about how Addison would be going home after school since he had been automatically issued a bus pass given our address. Even when he would explain that his Daddy was coming to pick him up, because he was a Kindergartener, his word wasn't taken seriously, and this did produce a few tears and phone calls from the office. We got it sorted but only when I made a lot of noise and went to the principal. I realize that my child wasn't the only one in the school of several hundred so to get the attention I needed I, unfortunately, had to become a squeaky wheel. Lesson-learned.

Good teachers do exist

Addison had a wonderful Kindergarten teacher who really took the time to help him through some of his adjustment pains. When he was showing signs of not being ready to move up to first grade due to immaturity, lack of focus, and difficulty following routines, she put in extra time to help him get to where he needed to be. She didn't have to do it, but she did it anyway, willingly. And that I will never forget. I think public school teachers can get a bad rep. So far I have only been delighted.

You still know your child best

As we worked with Addison's teacher on some of his struggles, it became apparent that some of the ways the teacher wanted to handle situations were actually counter-productive. Trey and I know Addison well, what makes him tick and how to get through to him. His teacher knew some aspects of him, and it was necessary for us to help her understand what we already knew about him so that she could be more effective at her job. Here again we learned not to be shy about advocating for our child.

The home/school connection is key

What ties all of the preceding points together is the home/school connection. An open line of communication between teacher and parents is critical. You are not there all the time to see what is going on in school and it's important if changes need to occur that you are kept abreast of both the current situation as well as the ongoing progress. You can't effectively do your job as a parent without that open dialogue.

Areas of disagreement provide some of the best teaching moments

Trey and I both knew in making the decision to send Addison to public school that he would encounter situations that would butt up against our beliefs and values. This is one of the reasons we actually chose this option. We know that these scenarios provide some of the richest opportunities for Christian education. Nothing drives home lessons of faith than actual experience. Trey and I have worked hard to be in regular conversation with Addison about his friendships, his academics, and teacher interactions and use those as a springboard for instilling in him the truths of God's word. I am so delighted at how I have seen his faith continue to blossom over this past year even as he negotiates the fact that not everyone in his life believes the same things that he does.

When I wrote about sending Addison to public school last year, two of the reasons I listed centered around his need to respect authority figures other than Mom and Dad and his need to learn teamwork. Little did I know how hard these lessons would for him. Last year was an incredibly stretching year for all of us. I am pleased to report that through a lot of hard work and the dedication of his teacher, Addison was able to overcome many of the issues that centered around his social immaturity as a boy who just wanted to run around and play. Academics were never a problem. He excels in his subjects, and although hard to go through, it was necessary for Trey and I to face Addison's weaknesses through the eyes of an outsider. It grew us as parents as well as him as an individual. We were so pleased with the outcome and are very excited by who his first grade teacher is this year, Mrs. G, someone he really grew fond of last year and was hoping for. I know this will be another year of personal and academic growth and I am eager to see God's work in his and our lives.

The Power of the Dark Side

2011-08-29T13:02:00.000-04:00

The boys have really gotten into Star Wars lately, which prompted this little vignette.

Trey: (goofing around in his best Darth Vader voice) Addison, you don't know the power of the dark side.
Addison: No, I don't know anything about the dark side. I'm a Christian.

After the Storm

2011-08-28T18:04:00.004-04:00

Hurricane Irene has gone and although it's still incredibly windy, the skies have cleared.

I love the weather right after a hurricane. The clear skies. The low humidity.

Thank you for your prayers. Our home was spared. We lost electricity for about a minute last night. Our basement remained dry. The huge tree in our front yard is intact.

The extent of our damage was limited to my poor wildflower patch. The tallest flowers took a beating. And all along the fence are leaves that blew off nearby trees.

Our front yard and street is littered with snapped off branches.

But other than that, we are fine.

Other parts of Philadelphia didn't fare so well. There is still extensive flooding, downed trees, and closed roads, but we feel so grateful to have been spared. You can see we even put the flags back up but are waiting until the winds die down to put up the swings and ferns.

The flowers are brighter than ever.

And everything is oh so green.

Hunkering Down

2011-08-27T13:00:00.000-04:00

Hurricane Irene made landfall this morning in North Carolina and is on her way up the east coast headed our way. The sky here is already leaden with clouds and drizzling.

This morning we made our preparations, taking down the porch swings and ferns and packing away our grill in the garage. The porch looks rather naked without anything on it.

The governor of New Jersey has declared a state of emergency and announced mandatory evacuations at the shore. Here, 50 minutes from the coast and closer to Philadelphia, the big concern is not the wind, although we've been told to expect gusts up to 80mph and we know that flying debris can cause serious damage. The big concern is the 6-10 inches of rain we're expected get over the next day. This has been the wettest month in Philadelphia history with over 13 inches of rain so far. The ground is completely saturated, and Trey and I are just bracing for what all this water will do to our basement.

We've experience some minor wetness and large puddles in it before. In true house poor fashion and with necessity the mother of invention, we rigged our own water containment solution. We rolled old sheets lengthwise and placed them along the front of the basement where the wall meets the floor. So far and despite all the rain this summer, it's worked and we haven't had any standing water in the basement. But 6-10 inches of rain is another matter.

The other major concern is the effect that all this water has on the stability of large trees. The one pictured here sits on the property line between us and our next door neighbor. The tree is more than twice as high as our house and could do some serious damage if it were uprooted from damp, unstable soil.

Tonight we plan to put Genevie in with the boys just in case. Her bedroom is in the very front of the house and would be directly in the line of fire if the tree were to topple.

We appreciate your prayers and I will update as I am able.

What are the odds of an earthquake and a hurricane in the same week?

I Spy Watermelon

2011-08-25T11:17:00.000-04:00

At long last we have a watermelon sighting. After planting the seeds in late June, we finally have our first watermelon. Last week I discovered it and in the 5 or so days since, it's nearly tripled in size.

And then guess what I found this morning? Do you see what I see? Look very closely. Hint: it's not on the ground.

Here's a close-up. Now do you see it? That's right. It's hanging from the vines that grew up the fence between ours and our neighbor's yards. Watermelon number 2.

This shot gives you some perspective on just how massive this watermelon plant has become. My best guesstimate is that it's 20 feet along the fence. It's grown through the spaces in the chain link and over into our neighbor's yard. She's actually excited and hoping for some free fruit.

Also we finally have a red tomato on something other than our cherry tomato plant, which is still producing like a frisky rabbit. The cracks in the skin have perplexed me, but after doing some online research I've concluded that it's a result of the incredibly wet summer we've had. The water has been amazing for all things green (I've never seen Jersey lawns this green in August), but apparently over-exposure to moisture can cause tomato skin to break and crack. Oh, well. So it's not going to win a beauty pageant. I don't care. I could tell when I picked it this morning it was going to be delicious. It was firm with just the faintest bit of give that tells you how juicy it is inside. Pizza tonight!

My wildflowers in the back have gone...well...wild. They are about 6-7 feet high in places and just covered with the most beautiful array of colors -- deep pinks, light violets, dark reds, and cheerful yellows.

I will definitely be doing this again next year. What a lovely surprise a bag of wildflower seeds can be!

See what I mean about how green everything is? The hostas are just thriving!

What a grand growing summer it's been.

Earthquakes and Bin Laden: How Social Media Has Changed Everything

2011-08-24T11:46:00.003-04:00

Yesterday as the clock crept inexorably toward the usual mid-afternoon malaise and I typed away trying to ignore and transcend it, I was brought back to reality in the rudest possible way. My desk started shaking. It began with a humming vibration that grew in intensity to a rattling tremor causing the items on my desk to dance and bounce. And the noise. The walls and ceiling were shifting. "Is your desk shaking?" I asked over my cubicle wall in mild bewilderment tinged with the faintest hint of distress.

"I think we're in an earthquake," someone said as 26 stories above Center City Philadelphia on an ordinary day in August our office groaned and swayed.

And in that moment, just an instant really, I thought of 9/11. No, I didn't think we were experiencing a terrorist attack. My brain didn't even have the time to register such a logical thought. I simply experienced a wave of emotional empathy with those hundreds of trapped business men and women in the World Trade Center suspended in their eventual coffin above the New York skyline. Looking at the flimsy drop ceiling above me, I had this momentary vision of the 16 stories above me crashing down on my head as I rode a roller coaster the remaining 26 down to street level.

The adrenaline rush left me shaking long after the building had settled. And then I did what any normal social media consumer of our day does for answers. I turned to Twitter.

I think we just had an earthquake in Jersey

If any of you are in Cape May right now, did any of you feel a shaking just now, or is our building falling down?

I just experienced my first earthquake!

Woah, earthquake in center city, philadelphia. Didn't feel it at all but everyone's buildings are evacuating.

Within minutes #earthquake was trending on Twitter and there were rumors that the news reached New York through social media even before the tremors hit the Big Apple. And all long before the news broke on any major media outlet.

I had just experienced my first earthquake.

My personal favorite tweet came from new Phillie Hunter Pence.

Apparently earthquakes don't discriminate, affecting rich and poor, famous and obscure alike.

It was a 5.9 magnitude earthquake centered between Richmond and Charlottesville, VA whose tremor was felt as far north as New Hampshire. Cell networks were completely jammed and I couldn't reach Trey, eventually getting through via Gmail Chat.

Last night lying in bed, Trey and I laughed over the day's events. He had been picking up toys with the boys when the mirrored doors of their closet began to rattle. Trey said the first words out of his mouth were, "Davis, what did you do?" Apparently, Davis had snuck down to the basement earlier in the day and Trey immediately assumed he must have pushed or pulled or turned something in our octogenarian home which was causing it to rattle on its hinges. We both had a hearty guffaw over it. I told Trey this is why he needs to get on Twitter because then he would've known immediately what was happening. Just as I had learned months earlier about Bin Laden's death via Facebook.

Although people complain that social media has made privacy and intimacy obsolete in our overly mobile age, I have to counter that in those terrifying few moments of uncertainty as the skyscraper that I was in swayed at the mercy of tectonic activity I felt great comfort in the collective reach of the Twitter-verse, even if it was only to reassure me that they were all equally freaked out too.

Which made me wonder what it would have been like if Twitter had been around during 9/11. We'll never know.

Tomatoes

2011-08-17T16:20:00.000-04:00

By now my cherry tomato plant is producing a few tomatoes every day, which Trey and I are really enjoying. Here are some early harvesting photos of one eager little helper. Incidentally, that is thyme in the foreground. Despite a disappointing showing by my peppers (at least thus far) and the larger tomato plant, the herb garden of basil, thyme, oregano, parsley, and chives has been a smashing success. I did enjoy some cilantro early in the summer, but it inexplicably turned into a stump of leafless stalks mid-July. Not sure why, but will definitely have to replant some next year as cilantro is a staple in this Mexican-food-loving household.

For the record, Davis hates tomatoes. He's just hamming it up for the camera.

This little gem was duly washed and properly enjoyed by a real tomato lover, namely moi.

I also planted some zucchini and watermelon really late...like end of June late. No fruit or veggies yet, but the watermelon has spread nearly 12 feet horizontally and several feet vertically up the fence between ours and our neighbor's backyards. Apparently, watermelon has a long growing season before it produces. So we may be eating watermelon in October. Or this may have just been an exercise in leaf growing.

From a Few Months Ago

2011-08-17T16:07:00.001-04:00

So I stumbled across these pictures from our trip to DC back at Memorial Day. Apparently, I started a Part II post and then never got beyond just uploading photos. At this point, I'll let the photos do the talking. Enjoy!

Phil's Back

2011-08-17T08:30:00.006-04:00

Remember the visitor I told you who surprised us with his return?

And you thought I meant an actual human.

Well, it's crab-apple-dropping-season in our backyard, so...

...Phil has returned, and in true American fashion turned into quite the little porker.

And although I am rather fond of him, I am not pleased that he mistook one of my yet-still-green tomatoes for an overgrown crab apple. I found the discarded remains with tell-tale massive jaw prints in the middle of my driveway cast away without a care for my feelings...Animals.

The Joys of Traveling with Children...and Adults

2011-08-16T09:47:00.004-04:00

I thought it would be a very long time before I ever got to fly without children. That is until I started traveling for work. And can I just say, "Wow! What a luxury?!?" I had forgotten how truly blissful it is to board a plane without hauling 5,000 carry-ons, holding little hands, and hoping I've remembered enough snacks in case we're detained on a runway for 4 hours because of, oh I don't know, how about a freak snowstorm in Atlanta?

I have flown across the Atlantic 6 times now with children of varying ages, not counting numerous other domestic flights with various combinations of some or all of our kids. In those misadventures, I have forgotten a diaper bag on a train platform on my way to an airport. I've missed trans-Atlantic flights. I have witnessed a medical emergency over the ocean in the seat next to the one I was supposed to be sitting in but thankfully switched at the last minute. Made a scene at a British Airways ticketing counter when they tried to tell me we couldn't bring all our bags (don't ask, but I got my way). Had my breastmilk on display for all of TSA to see. As aforementioned, I've sat on a runway for 4 hours with two toddlers waiting to be de-iced in an airport with only 2 de-icing trucks. I've changed diapers in airplane seats. I've experienced day-long layovers in London airports and ridden escalators hundreds of times to keep small children occupied. I've had children throw-up right before a flight and had children pee in their stroller while at the airport (wet shorts and hand dryers come in handy). I've had children cry for an entire flight because they were too disoriented to know better and contemplated joining them in said blubbering even though I did. Needless to say, I've got a little experience flying with small children.

Wow, that felt good.

So back to my story. On my red-eye flight back from San Jose, I was one of the last people to board the plane, detained while my carry-on was gate checked due to insufficient overhead space. As I approached my seat, which incidentally was supposed to be the window seat, I was greeted by two wide-eyed and frantic-looking parents trying to console their fussing 7 month-old. The mother was attempting to breastfeed her overtired baby while the father looked on in ineffective desperation. With a deer-in-the-headlights expression he said, "Do you mind if we stay where we are?" I told him it was fine and a few minutes later leaned over to reassure him that I had three small children and the crying didn't bother me. He relaxed slightly explaining that this was their daughter's first flight (I tried to suppress the look of "no kidding?" that fought to flicker over my face) and tried to encourage him that his baby would fall asleep as soon as we got up into the air, lulled to sleep by the noise of the engine. After all, I've been through it a couple of times. He nodded eagerly and said that they were hoping that would happen as this was when their daughter was usually asleep.

Sure enough. As soon as we disembarked and were airborne, the baby fell peacefully asleep and stayed that way the entire flight to Atlanta. Happy ending...

...not exactly. Because Mr and Mrs High-strung proceeded to engage in a hissing, teeth-clenched marital spat most of the way to the east coast in spite of their angelically slumbering bairn. "You are so stressed out that you're not able to receive the help I'm trying to give you." "You have no idea what I've been through trying to get ready for this trip." "You want to control everything and you're so worked up because you can't control this situation." "All the work is falling on me." And on and on it went. It was like watching a parody of a fight, which, I suppose, is what most marital fights are like when you get right down to it. His frustration, her feeling misunderstood and under-appreciated, the build-up of fearful anticipation at facing something new and unknown for both of them.

And there I sat pondering the irony of how much more annoying two quarreling adults are than one cranky child.

Life in August

2011-08-15T12:22:00.000-04:00

Here we are, mid-August already, and I've written a meager one time. So it seemed appropriate to do a wrap-up of the Holloways' comings and goings this month. After I returned from a business trip to the west coast the last week of July, I needed a few days to recover. I took the red-eye home, which may or may not have been a wise choice, but certainly produced a hilarious story which I'll share with you this week. The joys of travel never cease.

The first week of August Addison and Davis attended a local Vacation Bible School, one incidentally that I had attended as a kid as well. It was their first experience with VBS, and they loved it. No pictures from the closing program, unfortunately. I forgot our camera and my phone camera just couldn't handle the low level of light inside the sanctuary. You'll just have to take my word for it that the irony of Addison digging for gold live on stage wasn't lost on us considering the week's theme, "Gold Rush".

Then Saturday we went to my uncle and aunt's house for a birthday celebration for my grandfather, who turned 89. The kids had a great time in the pool.

Then this Saturday we finally made it down the shore for a proper beach day. Our last trip to Cape May a month ago involved toes being dipped in the water, but this time we did the whole thing -- umbrellas, painting soups (Genevie speak for bathing suits), and lots and lots of sunscreen.

The seagulls were as aggressive as I've ever seen them, maybe even giving this infamous Aberdeen thief a run for his money. In order to enjoy any food, you had to hide under towels, a la Addison and Davis here, or run the risk of your food being dive-bomb-snatched out of your hand. We literally saw a gull steal a cracker out a baby's hand.

The children had a wonderful time and the surf was gentle and warm enough to take them out over their heads for some real swimming time. We enjoyed watching a school of dolphins swim by, and then we closed out the day with ice cream.

Stay tuned for my airplane story and a surprise visitor from last year. Any guess who it might be?

Cinnamon Bun, Meet Doughnut

2011-08-04T23:02:00.001-04:00

Can you imagine my delight...and dismay...when Krispy Kreme opened up a new shop a couple of months ago just three stores down from my building? The line out the door lasted for weeks, and when it finally died down I ventured in for my first batch. Hot Krispy Kreme doughnuts have historically only been something to dream of if you live in the northeast, unlike you lucky southerners, but apparently, over the next couple of years a whole fleet of stores will be opening in the Philly area. For you long-time readers, you may remember the sweet surprise Trey brought back on a flight from London to Aberdeen back in the day. Needless, to say we're fans in the Holloway House.

But what's better than a Krispy Kreme opening practically next door, you ask? Coming out with a cinnamon bun doughnut. The pleasure and delight knows no bounds. It is the marriage of two of my favorite indulgences, and I have to say after sampling this limited time doughnut, I'm a true believer. Less bready and heavy than a cinnamon bun but with the delicate spicy fragrance of that decadent treat. And did you see that? Only 260 calories. C'mon, it's practically health food! I bought some for the office and then took the rest home for Trey and the little guys...

...along with Krispy Kreme hats...

...which they loved....

...and wore with pride...and sticky fingers.

Toto, We're Not in Kansas Anymore

2011-07-26T22:23:00.000-04:00

I'm in San Jose on a business trip for a few days, and while waiting in the airport this evening for one of my colleagues to arrive on another flight, I stumbled upon this little nook.

Only in California.

A Chippy in Torry

2011-07-23T17:09:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer: This may only be funny to you if you live or have lived in Aberdeen.

OK, the back story first. Trey is a great lover of graduation ceremonies, remember? He attends them whether he knows any of the graduates or not, and we trekked an entire ocean with our then 8-month old to attend his Aberdeen graduation in 2009. You could say he's committed. So this means that every year around graduation time he scours the University of Aberdeen's website for photos, stories, and videos about the commencement ceremonies. This year the University put up a lot of interview videos and we enjoyed hearing the interviewer's lovely Aberdeen lilt and the interviewees' often humorous responses.

One man, in particular, Neal Ascherson, who had received an honorary degree, mentioned his love for the city and how he is still trying to find this one little "chippy in Torry". Trey couldn't stop giggling about it, in part because Torry has such a notorious reputation. You can watch the clip for yourself by following this link and pulling up the video entitled "Honorary Graduates Andrew Lewis and Neal Ascherson - 7 July 2010" (this is obviously from last year). The comment in question can be found around minute 2:46. Sadly, I can't embed the video. You'll have to check it out for yourself and compare the boys' rendition.

Ascherson goes on to describe Aberdeen and Aberdeenshire as an extraordinary place that you can never come to the end of. When he said those words I felt such a sense of understanding with his meaning. It is precisely how I feel.

A Day in Cape May

2011-07-23T09:27:00.001-04:00

Last Saturday we took a day trip down to Cape May to enjoy some sun and surf. Since this year's vacation didn't involve going to the beach like last year's did, we needed to get in at least one good beach day.

And this was it. The temps were mild. The sky was clear blue.

We started our day off with an outdoor picnic at Cape May Point followed by some tree climbing.

Daddy got the highest.

Then we went for a bird/nature walk along the Point's trails, which is where Genevie's troubles began. A word of warning. Nature walks and 2-year olds don't mix.

The beach, however, was another story. Everyone loved it.

The boys and Daddy helped build a sand dinosaur, which they named the Cape-o-saurus.

This iPhone picture doesn't do it justice. It was actually really cool. They used broken shells for teethg and stones for eyes.

The happy crew admiring their work.

After the beach we took a surrey ride around town. We started with Davis and Genevie in the front basket but they wouldn't leave each other alone, necessitating a strategic switch.

Later we visited a recently opened WWII watch tower back at the Point. They had some fascinating exhibits inside including a collection of old war posters. Who does this remind you of?

This one seemed like out-and-out propaganda.

This one just made me laugh.

We finished the day with dinner at the Lobster House, sandy, tired, and a little sun-kissed.

Guest Blogging

2011-07-15T09:20:00.002-04:00

This is a first for me. Today I am the guest blogger over at Tamara Out Loud. I met Tamara years ago through an online parenting message board, and we just clicked. Over the years we've kept in touch although we've never met in person, and then about a year ago she started her own blog. She is an amazing writer with nuance and humor and tremendous insight, and I have been so moved by the vulnerability and insights she has shared. I am so honored to be featured on her very popular blog. My post is called Heartbreak Is. Check it out and stick around to read some of Tamara's fantastic posts as well.

Vacation

2011-07-13T15:25:00.000-04:00

Instead of breaking this up into multiple posts, I've decided to do one lengthy vacation recap, mostly in pictures, of our wonderful week down in Atlanta over the Independence Day holiday.

It didn't start off wonderful, though. As we drove the PHL Airport and neared the exit for long-term parking, Genevie threw up all over herself, her doll Meh-meh (formerly called Nana), and her car seat. Not the way any of us were hoping to start the trip off. She didn't seem ill at all, and I was fairly certain this was just a case of eating breakfast too quickly and jumping right in a car.

Meh-meh is an integral part of Genevie's life, and so throw-up was no deterrent. She cradled her little doll encased in the protection of a CVS bag all the way from Philly to Atlanta where Meh-meh could get a bath in the washing machine.

What do you do when you're little and waiting for a plane? You run around and climb on anything you can, windows included.

Make funny faces.

Jump on the seats.

Watch the planes coming in.

Once we got to Atlanta we took the MARTA from the airport to my mother-in-law's house.

Then the real fun began. All of our kids' cousins live in Atlanta and are either exactly the same age or a little older. This spells tons of playmates, and boy did they have a good time!

Genevie's cousin Charlotte is just 2 months younger and they were thick as thieves, here getting into a bowl of berries.

The day before 4th of July we got an all-family game of pickle going in my brother-in-law's front yard.

The boys loved it.

Trey and his brother were the throwers and the kids wore themselves out running between the bases.

Even Genevie goti n on the action. Those rosy red cheeks tell you just how hot and humid it was. Atlanta always lives up to its reputation.

We got some great shots of all 9 cousins together. This was the silly face one.

Here I snagged some picture of Genevie and Charlotte playing with their cousins' labradoodle Bailey. He's a big boy but completely harmless.

After dinner we did our own private fireworks show down at the street rather than lugging all the little ones to the town fireworks.

It was a great decision because they had front row seats. We kicked it off with multiple rounds of sparklers.

Genevie was indignant that she didn't get one, but eventually I acquiesced (as you do with the third) and helped her.

On the 4th itself we were lucky enough that the local parade route went right past at the top of my mother-in-law's street, so we had only to trudge up hill to enjoy it.

That empty plastic bag was completely full by the time we left the parade. The Dunwoody parade has a reputation for being something of a Halloween in July.

Davis was very excited about the candy.

It was a wonderful and very relaxing time for all of us!

How Does Your Garden Grow

2011-07-12T22:43:00.000-04:00

Along our left property line we have a bed that goes from sidewalk all the way to the back corner of our backyard. It had a few hostas and lilies when we moved in, but I have slowly been working on filling it out more. This year at the very back of it I planted some wildflowers with the kids. They took great delight in sprinkling handfuls of seeds from our industrial size Burpee bag onto the dirt and then watching over the weeks as we watered and the flowers began to emerge.

Now, some months later, the flowers are out in all their varied beauty.

This is our early producing cherry tomato plant. I have another, ordinary tomato plant. Not sure what variety it is because after I planted it, Genevie promptly removed all my identifying markers. Thanks, Evie!

Here are some zucchini sprouts a few weeks back. They've since grown considerably. I got them in the ground late, starting straight from seeds without bothering with seedlings, but they seem to be doing well. So I'm hopeful. I also did the same with watermelon, which I know take forever to mature. We may be eating watermelon in October.

Today we picked the very first vegetable from our garden, a beautiful and perfectly round little cherry tomato. The kids were completely enthralled, and Davis, true to his egg obsession, cradled the tiny sphere in his hands with that same dreamy look that makes me giggle. Apparently eggs and tomatoes produce the same response. The plant this tomato came from has about 20 more green tomatoes on it, which I imagine will be ready in a week or so. We also spotted our first pepper, a tiny little jalapeno. I can't tell you how exciting this is!

Published

2011-07-07T23:29:00.000-04:00

Do you see it? The little gift that arrived in today's mail?

At long last, Trey's book,which published at the very end of June, arrived on our door step, 6 complimentary copies for the author. The title is Andrew Melville and Humanism in Renaissance Scotland 1545-1622. This journey that began back in 2005 with a proposal to a school you may have heard me mention before in a place called Aberdeen has reached its conclusion in the publication of Trey's thesis as a monograph.

It's a funny feeling to hold this book in my hands because it means so much more than the binding and paper that comprise it. It is a book borne of personal sacrifice and intense challenge, plane journeys across vast oceans, curious accents, and unknown places, tears and uncertainties, a baby born in a living room, thousands of hours of research and study, multiple iterations and proofings, late nights and wee morning hours. This book is the realization of a dream of one man who is too modest to admit how intensely driven to scholarship he is and for whom researching and writing are as second nature. Dare I admit it? He is already working on the next book.

I am so proud of these 375 pages of Holloway ink but even more proud of the man and the mind behind them.

In case you should happen to have some spare change lying around and want to purchase a copy for yourself, here is the link to the book on Amazon. While it currently is listed as out of stock, we have been assured by the publisher that that is only temporary as the volumes are in transit across the ocean. And to preempt any further questions on the price, due to the scholarly nature and demand for this type of book, the print run is small, mainly for universities and academic libraries, and so the individual cost is high.

Home Again, Home Again

2011-07-07T11:39:00.000-04:00

Time is a funny thing. Anyone who's just come home from vacation can tell you that. You spend a lot of it anticipating your trip. Time goes slowly. Until right before you have to leave and you're trying to frantically pack those last bits and bobs. That's when time speeds up. Then while you're gone, it is both blissfully long and unacceptably short, that paradoxical duality experienced by those on holiday. It feels like you've been away forever but that you only just left. And then you resume your normal routine, and the vacation feels like an eternity ago.

Odd.

You guessed it. We were away for a week in Atlanta visiting Trey's family. We had a wonderful time full of birthday celebrating, Independence Day frivolity, swimming, fireworks, movies, and family. No sooner were we home last night then a dejected Addison wanted to know when we would be going back. We took a lot of pictures and I will hopefully get them loaded onto the computer over the next couple of days to share with all of you.

Last Day of School

2011-06-28T09:47:00.000-04:00

Hard to believe, but Addison's last day of school was Thursday. I know! It seems wrong somehow to be in school past Memorial Day, but this was the price to be paid for such a late start this year. The last day of school was actually "Country Fair Day". Trey, the kids, and I stopped by briefly to enjoy the festivities with Addison and popped into the school office to find out when his class would be out on the adjacent school field. I inadvertently called it Field Day and got a big correction from the secretary, "You mean Country Fair Day?" Yeah, whatever.

Davis and Genevie enjoyed the playground while we waited for Addison's class to come outside.

For the sake of privacy I'm not including any pictures with his classmates, but in this one you get a glimpse of the kiddie pool they used to wet the sponges for the sponge toss. Good game on a very humid day!

His shirt says "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten".

All the kids were treated to a Philly summer special, water ice and soft pretzels. It was a great school year in which he was really challenged to grow and mature. He learned so much and is even reading now! Best of all, he is incredibly eager to continue working on reading and math this summer. His teacher sent home a folder of worksheets and exercises and he knows that if he completes them all by September there is a prize in store. This one is very motivated by incentives.

Graduation

2011-06-20T13:19:00.008-04:00

Genevie walking with us over to graduation.

We've had a lot of graduations in our lives over the past decade, but this was one I never anticipated -- a preschool graduation. Two Fridays ago (forgive the delay in posting this), Davis graduated from preschool. He'll be attending there next year, even adding an additional day, and he'll be joined by Genevie. Even though he's not leaving them just yet, graduation was an opportunity to celebrate all that the students had learned and accomplished over the course of the year.

The theme was Hawaiian, hence the leis. I was so proud of him standing up there, doing hand motions, singing robustly, and looking so grown up. As I've mentioned before, the school has a policy about showing pictures of other children online or via social media, so I'll just share this stage close-up of Davis.

He even got a diploma.

He was very proud of that diploma and toted it around for several days, unrolling and re-rolling it to gaze proudly at his work.

Davis learned so much this year and is even writing his name all by himself now. He loves school and has made a couple of friends independent of his brother, which I think is really good for him. He's already had one without-mom-or-dad-or-Addison playdate at a friend's house and has a pool party coming up at the end of the month. I am so proud of our little D!

Father's Day

2011-06-20T13:04:00.002-04:00

Just like Mother's Day, Trey got gifts from Addison this year for the first time thanks to school. His was a custom CD and case.

Daddy, you rock!

This was Trey's card.

And on the inside it details great things about Trey, like his humor, his love of painting (not so sure about that one) and that he's good at writing books. I think I may have even seen a little tear in the corner of Trey's eye. It was very touching. You should have seen Addison's beaming face. He was so excited to give these treasures to Trey Sunday morning.

I took Trey out for dinner and we enjoyed some lovely uninterrupted adult conversation over delicious Cuban food and wine. If you too have small ones at home, you will understand what a luxury and a gift such an opportunity is.

The Business of Being Born

2011-06-14T12:00:00.000-04:00

I had heard vague rumblings about a documentary that Ricki Lake was producing on natural childbirth a few years back but had forgotten all about it until last week when I got an excited email from my sister urging me to watch the documentary The Business of Being Born before she and I met up for a lunch date. Ample fodder for discussion. It's a free instant view on Netflix, for all you subscribers out there whose interest may be sufficiently piqued after this review.

The Business of Being Born outlines the intriguing history of childbirth in the US and shows how and why it has become so medicalized and interventionist, especially compared to the rest of the developed world. Some of the information is downright disturbing, like how women used to be given scopolamin during childbirth, which put them into a twilight sleep and they would remember nothing. The drug would cause many women to become crazy and so they would have to be restrained in bed. The hospitals would use lamb's wool restraints because they wouldn't leave any marks. Scary. The documentary follows several midwives with their clients, showing in contrast how they approach childbirth and promoting the idea that in most circumstances a woman's body is perfectly equipped to handle the birthing of her baby without the need for IVs, medication, pain killers, forceps, etc. In fact, the documentary goes on to assert that one intervention tends to lead to another, which has given rise to the skyrocketing rates of unnecessary cesarean sections in the US.

As someone who has experienced a range of child bearing situations I felt I had some knowledge to bring to the subject. I would consider myself a more-informed-than-average person. During my first pregnancy I did extensive reading on the subject of childbirth and between my own study and personal experience, I come to the topic neither naive nor jaded. In no particular order, I have been induced, experienced long labor and a precipitous one, gotten epidurals, received vacuum assisted delivery, had a baby on my hands and knees in my living room, pushed for two hours, delivered one baby blissfully numb, torn and not torn. So here is my take on the documentary, what I agree with and what I thought was unfair.

It is not about the birth experience. It's about the parenting afterwards.
In my opinion, this is a common mistake that is made in our culture and one that is explicitly stated and promoted in the documentary. We put so much emphasis on arbitrary dates, such as graduation, the wedding, birth and then tend to forget that the really important part is what comes after. I believe it's all in the journey and that the actual birth is just one step in that long, long journey. It truly doesn't matter how the baby comes into this world. It's just one day. What really matters is how you rear the child and the person he or she becomes. At the end of your life, I guarantee that you won't still be smarting over that emergency c-section. You'll be looking back with pride and deep love at the fulfilled person your child has become.

Childbirth is an industry and a serious contributor to our current American healthcare crisis
The documentary does a fair job of pointing out how broken our current maternal health system is. Malpractice insurance rates continue to force good obstetricians to close up shop in droves because nothing screams lawsuit like an injured or dead baby and ambulance chasers know it. I personally saw one of the doctors in my practice leave over the rates. Three-quarters of obstetricians have been sued at one time or another. Are we really to believe that three out of four are incompetent? In addition, an uncomplicated vaginal delivery can cost $13,000. I know that one does of 800mg of Ibuprofen on my hospital bill when I had Addison was charged at $100. These are outrageous costs and are symptomatic of a healthcare system in crisis.

More expensive does not mean better outcomes
Ironically, although the US outranks all nations in the amount of money spent per birth, our infant mortality rate is the 2nd worst in the developed world. Despite all the interventions and technological advancement, babies die in the US far too often, something we need to take a long hard look at. Obviously something has to change and throwing more money at the problem isn't necessarily the answer. I suspect the overall US statistics are affected by higher infant mortality rates among minority groups, which is, I suppose, a whole other ball of wax.

Natural childbirth is not always glamorous
This was the part of the documentary I struggled with the most. Almost all the women shown delivering naturally were floating around in pools in their living rooms making nary a noise and seemingly off in a far away happy place. A few grunts and out pops the baby. This came across as an overly simplistic and glamorized view of natural childbirth.

My own experience with natural childbirth has been less than thrilling. When I had Addison, my epidural wore off three hours before he was born just as I entered into transition. So I got to experience the worst part with no pain relief, including two hours of pushing a kid out who, to this day, still has a 95th percentile head. It hurt a lot and the only thing that got me through was my mother's voice telling me over and over again, "You are doing this! You are doing this!" every time I said I couldn't do it anymore. I will never forget her strength during those hours.

My second experience with natural childbirth...well, let's just say that The Business of Being Born doesn't address the trauma of a precipitous delivery. I used to have anxiety attacks after Davis was delivered recounting the story of his birth. Nothing will traumatize you like being sound asleep and then delivering a baby less than one hour later. The pain was paralyzing and isolating. I remember clutching an end table in our living room for dear life trying to gasp for breath between contractions that doubled up my entire body. It was the single most terrifying experience of my life, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Pain is not a virtue
While I do believe that women survive the pain of childbirth (heck, I'm living proof), I don't believe the pain is necessary or virtuous. Look at it this way. You wouldn't have a tooth pulled without novacain. If you did, people would think you were stupid, not heroic. Why do some women buy into the notion that the more they feel and suffer, the more legitimate the birth experience is? The way I look at it is, God has given us all this medical knowledge. One of the great uses of it is in pain relief. Why shouldn't a woman enjoy the most pain free delivery possible? What is the inherit benefit or virtue of suffering? Having delivered two children without pain relief and one completely numb, I can categorically say that numb ROCKS. My experience was only enhanced by my peaceful, comfortable body. There was no trauma or agony.

Doctors do listen
The documentary leaves you believing a bit that all doctors just want to slice you open because it's more interesting. I'm not sure I'm buying it. The doctor who delivered Addison was an amazing man. He also attended to my pregnancy with Genevie and would have delivered her had she not come a week early. He told me during one office visit that he had kept an emergency birthing kit in his car for years in the secret hope that some day he could help a woman in the grocery store or wherever, like me, who was having a baby too quickly. This whole notion that most obstetricians don't even know what a "normal", natural birth looks like just seems implausible. I know that he acted in my best interest when he recommended induction at 5 days late with high blood pressure. I know he acted in my best interest when after 14 hours of labor and 2 of pushing, beyond spent and exhausted, he opted to use the vacuum to help me deliver Addison. Thank goodness he did. Addison was a giant kid.

The most important thing to remember when having a baby is that you are in control. It took me until my third child to learn this. When I spoke with my doctor about my fears of a repeat home birth, he took me seriously and we put a plan in place to avoid that. I was adamant from the minute I got into the hospital that I wanted my epidural as soon as I got into my room. And guess what? They complied. You must advocate for yourself and make it happen.

If you want natural child birth, great. I think you're crazy, but more power to you. It's your choice. I don't think it makes you a better mother, as the documentary implies. I think it makes you someone who has elected to deliver one particular way. What really matters is the business of child rearing. Now that would be worth a documentary.

Painting Project

2011-06-08T13:13:00.000-04:00

The recent silence and absence of final DC photos has been largely due to a massive painting effort to get ready for a dear friend from Aberdeen who is arriving on Sunday. While our wall colors were fine and fairly neutral, for a long time Trey and I have wanted to make the rooms our own. We both like bright, even daring, colors and wanted to bring some real visual interest to our upstairs. Not to mention the permanent marks left on the kids' rooms' walls by stray metal matchbox cars and wooden food from the kitchen set that needed to be hidden.

So we've been doing a lot of this...

...and this...

...and choosing cans and cans of this.

We went with some pretty bold and beautiful colors. Blue Lapis in Genevie's room. Southern Belle in the boys room. Currently we're painting the bathroom Persian Violet and the hallway is going to be English Hyacinth. I promise pictures by the weekend.

Dinosaurs in DC

2011-06-01T23:01:00.000-04:00

Friday morning we made our way down to DC for our longest stay to date, a three night weekend. We stopped first at the Museum of Natural History. Although we've been there before, we'd not yet visited the dinosaur exhibit, and, well, you know how the boys feel about dinosaurs these days.

They were incredibly excited.

But the best moment of the day was the line that tripped off the lips of Genevie. Upon walking into the dinosaur exhibit and spotting the unmistakable skeleton of a tyrannosaur, she pointed and said, "Look! T-rex, Mom!"

I quickly discovered that museum lighting, while dramatic for the displays, is horrible for photography. Every photograph vacillated between the shadows of flashless pictures...

...and the overexposure of a point and shoot flash.

Still Learning

2011-05-31T14:06:00.001-04:00

I'd like to remember our annual Memorial Day trek to DC this way, smiling faces of happy children. That wasn't really how the weekend went though. In fact, I can only describe the relief I felt on the hot and sticky car ride* home when Trey tentatively said, "You know, we may want to consider holding off on DC again until the kids are a little older." The guilt I'd been harboring at thinking those very same words, melted away upon discovering that I was not alone.

I do have a lot of beautiful pictures to share from our weekend, but before I post them, I wanted to share the most important lesson re-learned over the holiday:"No, Becky and Trey, you haven't figured this parenting thing out yet." Doesn't it seem like every time you make progress in parenting, the rules change? I won't mention who the worst culprit was. Let's just say that there is a reciprocal relationship between age and poor behavior.

Have I mentioned I'm not a fan of two? More happy photos to come.

* The AC needs freon, I think.

Judgment Day

2011-05-21T08:00:00.005-04:00

"Therefore, stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming...Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect."

Matthew 24.42, 44

Digging for Dinosaur Bones

2011-05-20T20:52:00.000-04:00

Digging for dinosaur bones

in the back yard.

Things That Make Me Smile

2011-05-17T20:10:00.002-04:00

Trey surprised me with this sweet message when I came home from work the other day, and it definitely brightened my day.

Ways to Cut Expenses - Make the CFL Switch

2011-05-17T13:36:00.000-04:00

Back in the day I used to work for a lighting company, and boy did I learn a lot about bulbs. More than I ever cared to know actually. Color temperature and lumens and wattage, it was a whole new vocabulary. Did you know that a light bulb in the industry is actually called a lamp? And what the average person calls a lamp is actually a lighting fixture? I know. I'll stop now.

You've probably noticed that greater attention is being paid to ways to make this planet a greener and cleaner home for us and our children. While researchers try to come up with alternative, sustainable forms of energy for the future, there are simple things you can do now in your own home to save yourself money and reduce your carbon footprint.

The fixtures in most homes in America are lit by incandescent bulbs. Incandescent light, as you are probably aware, produces the warm, inviting glow that most of us prefer and are accustomed to. But did you know that 90% of the energy consumed by a light bulb is lost as heat?

The alternative is compact fluorescent lamps, known as CFLs. You probably recognize them as the spiral tube bulbs that look slightly intimidating. They may conjure images of shady motels with flickering lights. Don't let the shape or the reputation make you nervous. CFLs have come a long way and very closely resemble the attractive light of incandescents. They work exactly like an ordinary bulb, except that they last a lot longer and consume a whole lot less energy. How much longer is their life? The average incandescent lasts 1000-2000 hours. CFLs, on the other hand, will last about 8-15 times as long. A 60 watt incandescent can be replaced with a 13 watt CFL, quite a difference in energy consumption. And remember, wattage is not a measure of how bright the bulb is. It is a measure of how much energy it consumes.

What does this mean for you? Well, while each CFL costs more initially to purchase than itss incandescent counterpart, a single CFL can save you up to $50 in energy costs over its lifetime. In fact, if you replaced the five most highly used bulbs in your house with CFLS, you could save up to $70 in energy costs each year.

The Energy Star website has some great statistics on CFLs. It states that "if every American home replaced just one light with a light that's earned the ENERGY STAR, we would save enough energy to light 3 million homes for a year, save about $600 million in annual energy costs, and prevent 9 billion pounds of greenhouse gas emissions per year, equivalent to those from about 800,000 cars." Amazing, right?

Consider making the switch.

Mother's Day First

2011-05-13T12:37:00.007-04:00

This was my 7th Mother's Day, but this year was a little different. For one thing, celebrating began on Friday night when Trey took me out to a fabulous Italian dinner (thanks Sarah and Matt for watching the kids!), and the festivities still aren't quite over. My siblings and I are taking our mom out to tea this upcoming Saturday at the Four Seasons in Philly. Logistics required a later date, but, hey, I think any day is a good day to celebrate motherhood, right?

But what really made this Mother's Day a first for me were the gifts my children made just for me. Trey has always acknowledged the holiday with dinner or a gift (or both), but the wee ones I've poured my heart and soul into didn't really have the resources or the ability to give back. This year though both Davis and Addison are in school, and their wonderful teachers helped them with projects just for me.

Davis hand-painted this adorable wooden flower frame with a picture of himself in it, and Addison picked out a pink silk flower and his teacher hot-glued a pin to the back transforming it into a brooch. They both colored, pasted, and otherwise decorated handmade cards as well. Let me tell you. Eyes were not dry. Wow. I had no idea such a simple gesture would mean so much to me.

Etsy has it right. Handmade is best.

Ways to Cut Expenses - Dial the Thermostat Down (or up)

2011-05-11T09:22:00.000-04:00

When I started working on my money saving list, it was still pretty chilly out, and we were still cranking the heat. Now temperatures in our area are the perfect medium where neither heat nor air conditioning is needed. So although this may be a little seasonally late, tuck these tips away for after the summer.

This past December I nearly fell out of my chair when I got our gas bill. It was 10 times what it had been during the summer and was a huge spike even from November. Granted, we'd had a lot of snow and bad weather. Temperatures were mighty cold, but I knew we had to make some changes. We started keeping the daytime temperature one degree cooler than we normally had (68 down to 67). For every 8 hours you do this you can save 1% on your fuel bill.

To take the savings even further, dial the night time temperature down even more. We were keeping the thermostat at 64 at night, but after that horrendously high bill, we started putting it down to 60. I know that sounds really cold, but we have a very well insulated house with new double-paned windows. The upstairs, in particular, is much warmer in the winter and under down blankets was plenty warm for all of us. Lowering your thermostat at night by an additional 5-10 degrees will help you realize a 5-10% savings on your gas bill.

After doing this for a month, our gas bill was about $30 lower (about a 10% savings) during an equivalently cold month January, so I have no doubt that our money savings measures actually worked.

Although I see no virtue in shivering during the winter, making small and appropriately timed thermostat concessions can help ease the financial burden. You probably won't even notice the change, but I guarantee you'll appreciate the results.

The 60th Tooth

2011-05-10T22:58:00.001-04:00

Don't be jealous now, but Genevie is cutting her final tooth. Who am I kidding? If you'd been around her the past 3 days, you definitely wouldn't be jealous. Apparently when toddler girls teeth, it's a whole new brand of hell. Forget about excessive drooling, indiscriminate gnawing, crabbiness, and loss of appetite, and think more along the lines of complete, unrestrained PMS. Yes, folks, toddler girls when they teeth become overly emotional, illogical drama queens...about EVERYTHING.

I can't say I'm sorry to see this milestone pass. In fact, living through the cutting of 60 baby teeth spread amongst 3 children has only reaffirmed what I am 98.5% sure of...that I am glad to be done with teething FOREVER.

Like I said don't be jealous.

The Help

2011-05-09T11:11:00.005-04:00

For this month's book club pick, I got to choose. A number of friends had recommended The Help, so that's what I went with. I just finished the book on Saturday with tears in my eyes. It was one of the best books I've read in a very long time. Poignant in its simplicity but with the strength and impact of books like To Kill a Mockingbird or the Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, Stockett has woven a tale with nuance, grace, and grit. Following three very different women, two who are housemaids to upwardly mobile white families in Jackson, MS, and one heiress to a cotton fortune, the novel explores from shifting perspectives race relations during the nascent years of the civil rights movement. With skill and ease the book transitions between the gracious and persevering narrative of Aibeleen, the agitated and outspoken perspective of Minny, and the searching, vulnerability of Skeeter. Each woman brings her own history, experiences, and unique insights to the conversation, and the story crescendos to a surprising denouement that is fully satisfying without being trite. I highly recommend this textured reflection on race, friendship, and love.

Ways to Cut Expenses - Downgrade to One Car

2011-05-05T19:45:00.001-04:00

Other than the first few years of our marriage, Trey and I have been a one-car family. In fact, for a couple of years while we were in Aberdeen, we were a no-car family. Or rather our car was in storage and inaccessible to us.

It's interesting how cultural trends become norms. There was a time when middle class families could only afford one car, but with added prosperity and upward-mobility has come increased materialism. So much of what our culture tells us we need, we blindly accept without a second thought, which is, I suppose, part of why I'm doing this series on ways to cut expenses. I want to challenge you and me to think about those things that are actually luxuries and not necessities.

Over time the two car family has become a 2 SUV family with bigger fuel tanks, lower gas mileage, and higher insurance premiums, not to mention larger sticker prices. All of this to say that you might be surprised that you can live without the 2nd vehicle. And it becomes a particularly attractive option when you think about paying 1/2 the amount for gas, insurance, and maintenance.

Now I realize this won't work for everyone. If you and your spouse both work outside the home at the same time and can't take public transportation, then two cars is probably a necessity. But if not, you might want to consider the ways you can juggle and coordinate your schedules so that you can get by with only one car. It takes communication and sacrifice to be sure, but you might be surprised how it actually works.

For us, Trey drops me at the train in the morning and then drops Addison at school. He picks him up mid-afternoon and then a little while later comes and gets me at the station. In nice weather, I walk to the train from our house since it's only a few blocks. If you're fortunate enough to live near public transportation, consider using it. I find that one of my favorite times in the day is my commute into and home from work. I get to plug into my favorite book and knit away at my latest project without the frustration of traffic or bad weather.

So could you do it? Could you live without the second car?

Egg Hunting

2011-05-04T09:59:00.000-04:00

Figured I should get the Easter pictures up before it all fades into the distant past. This year I made the mistake of completely forgetting to take any pictures on Easter itself. So no lovely family shot in our Easter finery.

Instead lots of pictures of egg dyeing,

tongue sticking out in concentration,

smiling with nameless smudge on your chin,

more egg dyeing,

and some more,

until you have just the perfect color.

Lovely, no?

One for Davis.

One for Evie.

One for Addison.

Then the grown-ups hid the eggs,

but not too hard for the littlest one.

This takes some skill and negotiation with the older, better egg finders in the family.

Some make lovely still lifes (is that the plural?).

Others are offered at the altar of the groundhog.

Then you release the hounds

who race around the yard in search of treasure

and gleefully enjoy the spoils mid-hunt

Genevie seemed perfectly content to find one plastic egg, crack it open, and call it a day.

And this was the closest thing to a group shot we got the entire holiday weekend. Little Miss Independent would have none of the sibling love-fest.

Mental Health Day

2011-05-01T19:17:00.001-04:00

Trey was away most of this past week starting Tuesday night returning this morning, and I've been solo-parenting it while still working from home. Trying to do two full-time jobs at the same time has completely shattered me.

Shattered me.

And so tomorrow I am taking a mental health day. Complete with hair, pedicure, massage, and shopping. I have been told by a reliable source that I do not need to lift a finger for anyone the whole day, which sounds gloriously confusing.

See you on the other side.

Lilacs and Wisteria

2011-04-28T08:57:00.001-04:00

When I was studying at Rutgers many years ago, I developed a deep appreciation for the writing of William Faulkner. His books, in particular, are so bound up in his own cultural influences that you cannot separate the South from the tales he tells. One of the leitmotifs woven throughout the fabric of his corpus is wisteria. It's heady perfume. It's graceful drape. It's southern ubiquity.

Imagine my complete delight when I discovered yesterday that along with the honeysuckle that blankets the fence between us and the corner neighbor is a new wisteria vine. I spotted three delicate purple flowers draped along the foliage, and I couldn't help but inhale the delicate fragrance, so like lilacs but without the overwhelming pungency that clings to the back of your nose after a whiff. Where it can from is anyone's guess. There's a beautiful wisteria vine creeping around a trellis at the opposite end of our street, but I don't know of another one that close. I can only imagine it is the work of the birds, bees, and the wind.

My lilac bush is in full bloom. The flowers are a soft shade of purple and the smell is simply divine.

I couldn't help myself. I immediately got out the scissors and took some clipping inside.

Now my whole kitchen has the faintest tinge of lilac perfume.

The peonies are about to open as well. I have at least 6 or 7 gorgeous buds about to burst open.

You can be sure some of them will also be coming inside. I think clipping flowers out of your own garden is one of the happiest things you can do.

Bringing the beauty indoors.

Ways to Cut Expenses - Lose the Landline

2011-04-26T10:36:00.000-04:00

So if last week's encouragement to kill your TV was a little radical, so too is this week's. Lose your landline. I have a feeling that this is a generational thing. I hazard to suggest that if you were born in the '80s or later, you are far less likely to ever own a landline.

Again, this is a good example of how moving to Scotland forced us to change our habits around phones. In Scotland we opted just to have a landline. We spoke to family over Skype, which was free, and since we didn't have a car, the need for a cell phone seemed negligible. We adapted as necessary, and when we said we were going to be somewhere, we didn't change plans last minute via cell phone. If I were out and about shopping and needed to get hold of Trey at home, I used a pay phone. Remember those?

When we moved back, Trey and I both got cell phones. We spent the next 18 months establishing our phone identity on forms and applications using only the cell phones, which made the choice easy when we bought a house. The thought of getting a landline at that point seemed superfluous. Everyone already knew our cell numbers. We get free long distance with them. Why would we spend extra money just to get a landline that probably would only be called by stray telemarketers?

The flexibility, affordability, and portability of cell phone have made landlines seem obsolete.In fact, anymore I relate to landlines like I do to old ladies at the grocery store who insist on paying by check. Really? You know, they have a thing called an ATM card now that takes a fraction of the time. Like I said this is definitely a generational issue.

But for us a way to save some extra money too.

Goslings

2011-04-25T07:11:00.001-04:00

Spotted at the train station.

The father goose was very protective and began hissing at passersby that got too near.

Tangled

2011-04-22T20:56:00.001-04:00

It's not very often that I sit down to watch a full-length, feature film for children. Many of the movies my kids watch, I've only caught in the background while I'm working. I'm not sure I've ever actually seen Cars from start to finish but I can quote you just about every line.

Last week on a quick trip to the grocery store, Trey spontaneously, and for reasons I am still unclear about, decided to buy Davis and Genevie Tangled. I inwardly groaned when he told me. When I had first heard about the movie. A re-purposed Rapunzel story just to lure long-hair-star-struck little girls into the theaters. I groaned even louder when I saw the merchandise at Christmas. Tangled Barbie dolls and Tangled baby dolls. I admit. I'm turning into my mother a bit.

But after a first and second viewing, Davis was hooked, and so Saturday afternoon I sat down and watched the movie with him nestled in my lap. And I am here to admit that I was completely wrong. Tangled is a fantastic movie not just for kids but for adults as well. Don't let all the hair fool you, like it fooled me. It's not vapid or sexist. It's actually the thoughtful tale of a woman in search of something greater than herself, who is willing to sacrifice her own happiness for others. The heroine, Rapunzel, has a completely fresh perspective on life as a result of her sheltered upbringing and she is able to charm brute and beast alike with her childlike zest for life and acceptance of others. This movie is both funny and touching with memorable songs and incredible cinematography (if that's the right word for animation). Highly recommended.

First Game

2011-04-20T12:21:00.007-04:00

If anything can be said about t-ball, it is an exercise in patience. It's like a microcosm of parenting. You pour a lot of effort into teaching these youngsters the rules of the game. Most of it seems to go in one ear and out the next. Many times they run around the bases the wrong direction or simply aren't paying attention when a ground ball comes their way, but after a few years you begin to see the fruits of your labors with increased focus, skill, and rule following.

Addison had his first t-ball game on Monday. It was fairly uneventful. Ironically, it was Yankees vs. Red Sox.

Each side batted through the line-up so that every boy got a chance at bat regardless of whether he was tagged out or not. They played 3 innings total with the goal of getting the children accustomed to the rhythm of the game.

Addison often seemed more interested in chatting with the nearest fielder or base runner than on the game itself.

And then this happened. In fact, I didn't even catch this little nugget until after the game when I was going through all the footage we took. In this video you'll see Addison on the pitcher's mound go for the ground ball. While it does go through his legs, his form is good. He did everything he was taught -- glove down, knees bent, use free hand like an alligator's jaws. After the play, the coach gives him a high five and then he does a little, private fist pump. It did his mama's heart proud.

Goofing around with a teammate.

Genevie enjoyed climbing all over the bleachers and being chased by Davis.

Actually paying attention.

Getting batting instruction from Coach Mark.

Hitting the ball.

Addison' fan club.

Baseball Miracle

2011-04-19T14:25:00.002-04:00

Imagine my sheer delight at discovering this photo on the Stratford Athletic Organization website following Opening Day on Saturday. I knew the picture was taken, but didn't really think much of it afterwards. Then yesterday at Addison's first t-ball game (yes, more on that to come soon) we ran into one of the moms whose son goes to Davis's preschool and she told us there was a great shot of us on the website. Here it is in all its glory. I can't believe we're all (minus Addison, of course, who was on the field with his team) looking AND smiling. It's a baseball miracle.

Ways to Cut Expenses - Kill Your TV

2011-04-18T12:32:00.007-04:00

Following my Yard Saling post, I thought it apropos to do a series on some of my household-expense-cutting techniques. Even though we have more income today than ever before, as new home owners we are what might be fondly referred to as "house poor". I know this to be a common plight for those in our situation and one which, hopefully, will not persist for too long. In the meantime, we have continued to cut our expenses as much as we can, sometimes in new and creative ways to improve our bottom line, and I am going to share them with you over the next 12 weeks. Yes, I have 12 cost-cutting measure queued up.

I'm going to start off with perhaps the most radical, at least for Americans, television. Yes, that's right. We don't have one. While TVs in and of themselves are not that expensive (remember when that $500 flat screen used to cost $10K?), the ongoing cost of cable adds up considerably. Before we moved to Scotland, we were paying about $80/month for basic cable. We had no fancy extra channels, and in reality we only watched a small fraction of those channels we actually got. What a waste of money! Furthermore, we watched way too much television. I would come home from work, eat dinner, and lie down on the couch to watch TV for the rest of the evening.

When we moved to Scotland, we opted not to buy a TV. We didn't really have the extra cash to get one and we were principally opposed to paying for an annual "license" to watch television. It all felt too Big Brother for us Yanks. Living without TV for two years in a more or less "forced" context taught us that we could do it voluntarily. When we moved back to the US, my parents had a TV but it was in their bedroom, so we didn't get to watch it very often. We had given our TV away before we had moved and when we bought the house last March, it was such a low priority to replace compared with everything else that needed to be attended to.

I don't know what cable costs today, but assuming the price has stayed exactly the same, that's $80/month I get to keep for other things. The television shows I really want to see, I can watch online, most of them just one day after they've aired. Movies I want to watch, I can get through our Netflix subscription for a fraction of what cable costs, and all in all, not having the television has forced to find other and more beneficial ways of spending my free time.

You may not be ready to make such a radical leap and dispense with your television altogether. In fact, I can't promise that we will always be TV free. I am by no means opposed to owning one. But from a cost-savings perspective, it's a great choice for us. And as a way to get your feet wet, consider at least skipping cable and only getting the antenna adjustment for a clear, rabbit-ears-free picture without the extra cable cost.

What do you think? Could you live without it?

Opening Day

2011-04-17T16:01:00.005-04:00

Saturday was Opening Day, and it was nothing like you would expect an Opening Day to be. Instead of warm breezes and sunshine, we battled 40 degree weather, rain, and wind. I'm pretty much ready to send this April packing. It's been sub-par.

Even so, Addison enjoyed himself.

And so did Davis.

The jury's still out on this one.

The teams went out on the field, received some awards and words of encouragement for the upcoming season, and it all concluded with the announcement of the raffle winners.

I departed early with the other two. Cold weather and hungry tummies were not compatible.

Addison out on the field with his team. He's the hooded child facing the camera front and center.